by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and the Boston City Paper, 3/2018

Because some humor is desperately needed right now… Because I just CANNOT bring myself to address the tragedies and scandals facing this nation — Every. Single. Day… Because I need a break… And we all need a little distraction and absurdity, and in response to your millions of cards and letters [not so much] I once again present my SLOW NEWS DAY, RANDOM THOUGHTS!

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City Paper, 9/2013

Back by popular demand! Slow news day, random thoughts!

The less said about Miley Cyrus’ antics on the 2013 MTV awards show, the better. Except: With the imminent likelihood of attacks on, and/or, war with Syria, CNN.com chose to run the Cyrus story as their MAIN banner headline (verbatim: “She did WHAT???”) For the entire day after that nonsense? SERIOUSLY? CNN – please stick to real news and leave the shameful celebrity antics to TMZ.

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City Paper, 7/2012

Back by popular demand! Slow news day, random thoughts, summer edition! And that means we throw the “organized, well structured” narrative style out the window. So if you’re having trouble following along, it’s you, not me.

Summer began on June 21, the Summer Solstice (an old Latin expression meaning, “School’s… out… for… the summer”) meaning we officially have less than six months until the end of the world!

By Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City paper 1/2012

Back by popular demand, and because we REALLY need some humor in the local news, slow news day, random thoughts, entertainment edition!

The New Year begins with the heartbreaking word that Katy Perry and Russell Brand are divorcing. My immediate and obvious question comes up — is she too young for me (27?). Probably. I mean, she’s adorable, I love her music and she doesn’t scare me.

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Boston City Paper and Foxboro Reporter, 8/2011

Slow news day. Random thoughts.

In speaking about music, kids today do not know what a “B-Side” is.

Dear everyone in Boston: Here is an important tip – turning on your hazards while double parked does not create a magical force field around your car protecting it from the evil metermaids. It actually sends out a flashing, frantic “TOW ME! TOW ME!” distress call that is instantly answered!

By Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City Paper, 2/2011

In response to your literally thousands of cards and letters, here’s more slow news day, random thoughts.

First, we have the very best comment EVER about the 2011 Super Bowl. Many celebrities were posed the question, “Who do you think will win the Super Bowl?”

Actor Mark Wahlberg (great actor and Dorchester boy) said, “Not the Patriots, so I don’t care.”

Well said, sir!

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City Paper 1/2011

Slow news day. Random thoughts.

• Two words that are not in the dictionary but should be: Snowmageddon: 1) The condition wherein newscasters and meteorologists treat a typical Boston blizzard as an event of biblical significance, downplaying REAL news for 24 hour coverage of how many people are buying shovels at Home Depot, interviews with plow drivers, and footage of every reporter standing in the snow commenting that the best advice is to stay home and ride out the storm.

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City Paper, 5/2010

Slow news day. Random thoughts.

When someone begins a sentence with, “No offense, but…” they are about to offend you.

Likewise, anyone who begins a sentence with, “I’m not prejudiced / I’m not a racist / I’m not a homophobe.” … They are / they are / and they are.

When you are in line at a store, and you are at the counter being waited on, get the hell off your cell phone.

Slow news day. Random Thoughts.

Celebrities …

You know who we never see any more? Rachel Ray. Whatever happened to her?

Like most people in this day and age, when faced with a moral dilemma, I ask myself, “What would Britney Spears do?” And then I do the opposite of that.

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and the Boston City Paper 1/2008

Proving that no news is still news and the media vultures will pounce on any celebrity gossip no matter how trivial, and since there isn’t any real news happening (say, a war, or a Presidential election, or catastrophic weather occurrences or something) The NATIONAL BLABBER is proud to bring you this EXCLUSIVE Britney Spears update!

EXCLUSIVE! — Britney Spears has “suffered from something for years,” says a source close to the singer’s father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.