RobertXGillis

by Robert Gillis
Who had nothing better to do this afternoon

While the Silver Age really didn’t begin until 1956 or so, this cover from Jimmy Olsen #3 (1954) is still too good not to share and should fan the flames for the conspiracy theorists!

Is this cover really the first concept art sketch for the 2006 film “Superman Returns,” created some 52 years early? A mentally well-balanced  person was not available to me, so I decided to review this myself and say, unequivocally, YES.

Even though Brandon Routh, Kate Bosworth and James Marsden (not to mention director Bryan Singer) hadn’t even been born yet, a reasonable person acting prudently MUST assume that the only possible answer is that Curt Swan, who penciled this cover, was even more awesome than we all knew (and he was REALLY awesome) and he was was OBVIOUSLY hired to start work on the film that would be released some 52 years later.

52. Hmmm.

Anyway, let’s look at the scene from Superman Returns, where Superman rescues Lois Lane, Richard White, and Jason White as the Yacht Gertrude sinks.

Superman rescues Lois, Richard and Jason from the sinking Yacht Gertrude, Superman Returns, 2006

Now let’s look at the cover of Jimmy Olsen #3, excuse me, the film’s pre-concept sketch. This may have been from a first draft of Superman Returns, as there are SOME differences (it’s a submerged car instead of a boat) and Jimmy Olsen is present, rescuing what appears to be Krypto. Also, the change to a yacht may have been made after advances in CGI in the late 1950s after the reverse-engineering of the crashed Roswell UFO made that technology available to all.

The cover of Jimmy Olsen #3 from 1954 is OBVIOUSLY a pre-concept sketch of this pivitol scene from Superman Returns

But, as the Kryptonian elder Vond-Ah said in Superman: The Movie, “The facts are undeniable.” Look closely — this is OBVIOUSLY pre-concept work for Superman Returns.

We have Superman rescuing Lois (clearly brown-haired Kate Bosworth, even wearing the Pulitzer Prize dinner dress as she did in that scene, and looking disdainfully at Superman, as she did in most scenes in the film), Richard White (played in 1954 by Elvis Presley, who seems QUITE taken with Superman — this may explain the King’s later fascination with Captain Marvel Junior capes) and of course the kid who would later be renamed Jason — since this was the 1950s, we have to assume that the kid was not related to Superman or Lois, as they were not married so having a child would have been impossible.

Early casting for the movie, apparently, would have included Bob Hope, who was in his prime then, as Lex Luthor. (Top left of the cover).  Of course, the guy with the camera could have also been an early version of the guy who was filming everything Lex Luthor was doing in Superman Returns.  Given Bob Hope’s groundbreaking television work, this makes sense.    Especially if you’re smoking crack.

Now, I know all movies go through some sort of “development hell.” but man, to plan a movie for over 52 years, that’s rough.

Hmmm, 52…

Ah, the pre-Silver age, how I love you!

by Robert Gillis
12/2011

What was so special about the silver age of comic books? Read about it HERE
(Click any image to enlarge)

Slow news day so I thought we’d have some more fun with some gems from the Silver Age of comic books.

From the cover of Batman #101 (August, 1956): Whoosh! Batman’s cape and cowl have blown off his head! Robin yells that that particular cape, “…contains a clue to your secret identity!”

Hey Robin, you know what ELSE contains a clue to Batman’s secret identity? THE FACT THAT BRUCE WAYNE IS STANDING ON A ROOFTOP IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WEARING A BATMAN COSTUME!

From the same issue and story, the cowl and cape is later found by Clark Kent.  Proving he still doesn’t understand the whole “secret identity” thing, Robin blurts out, “SUPERMAN” as Batman says, “Clark Kent!”  Way to go there, boy wonder.  I mean, if Batman and Robin are on the street in DAYLIGHT certainly they’d attract attention, and Robin is standing there doing the, “HEY EVERYONE!  THIS IS CLARK KENT, HE IS REALLY SUPERMAN!” shout-out.    Hey Robin, why don’t you just frigging sky write it?  That way people in Metropolis can see it!

Speaking of things in the sky…

Here’s an interesting sequence from Lois Lane #73 (1967). Clark Kent has been possessed by an alien and doesn’t know he is Superman. Jimmy Olsen, expert pilot, is attempting to land on the roof of the Daily Planet (which seems impossible given that the Daily Planet globe covers nearly the entire small roof and there’s no obvious helicopter landing zone in sight) but anyway, the controls freeze, Jimmy loses control of the helicopter and crashes it THROUGH THE BUILDING into the newsroom.

ONE PANEL LATER, “After Jimmy is taken to the hospital and the debris is cleared away…”

• Does the staff relocate to a safer area of the building (you know, one without some plastic and cardboard blocking the massive hole in the wall on the 28th floor the HELICOPTER CRASH caused?  I mean, there has to be a fire, ignited fuel, shredded metal and massive damage!   What about all the people in the streets fleeing the razor-sharp helicopter blades that have likely shattered in every direction?  Is the building even evacuated while the fire department checks that the building is safe after it was hit by a HELICOPTER????!!!!
• Or do they rush to the hospital to see if Jimmy will even survive from CRASHING A FREAKING HELICOPTER THROUGH A BUILDING?

NOPE.

Nope, they just call housekeeping to grab a dustpan, sweep up the helicopter, and it’s back to business.  The show must go on and the intrepid reporters get their next urgent assignment – go judge the “Miss Pretzel” beauty contest. Yep — just another example of: a) the hard hitting journalism the Daily Planet was known for; and b) a perfect example of how Perry White would not recognize a great news story if it crashed into his office. Literally. I’ve read this story several times and the helicopter crash seems to serve no other purpose than to call attention to Jimmy’s signal watch (which only appears one more time and is not key to the story).   Jimmy isn’t even mentioned in this story after the crash.  Maybe the staff just sent a card and flowers.  After all, the Daily Planet has to keep covering these important news stories — such as the Miss Pretzel contest.

By the way, don’t worry; in the very next issue Jimmy is flying the copter again (seriously!).  I know, I was hoping the crash would have killed Jimmy, too.

Perry White must hate Jimmy as much as the rest of us, because just 12 issues before, in Lois Lane #61, Lois is exposed to a radioactive explosion that turns her into a lizard (don’t ask) and Perry tells Jimmy:

Oh, and by the way, thanks for reminding us Lucy Lane is a stewardess, Jimmy.  We would never know that since she ONLY wears the stewardess outfit EVERYWHERE.

Moving on…

In Lois Lane #74 (May, 1967) Lois is having her own adventures on Earth while the entire Justice League is having a meeting on a faraway planet. At the meeting, Superman correctly points out that the team should speed up their discussion since EARTH IS UNPROTECTED with the ENTIRE JUSTICE LEAGUE in a meeting. But Flash dings Superman for not following parliamentary proceedings and Robert’s Rules of Order. What would be nice to see: “There’s a motion on the floor and it’s been seconded to hit Flash in the head with his stupid little gavel a million times. All in favor? Motion carries.”

Interestingly, the JLA is negotiating a planetary treaty to set up a new asteroid prison for space criminals. I didn’t know they did this sort of thing; I would think that other planets would have their own laws about how to handle space criminals, but whatever. Anyway, speaking of exiling criminals to asteroids, maybe that’s where Superman came up with this idea:

In Action Comics #373 (April, 1969), Once again Superman proves he is a total dipshit. Supergirl tells Krypto, the dog who cannot talk (except for that one time with the cosmic meteor), about her existence, so Superman, as always, overreacts ridiculously and EXILES SUPERGIRL to a barren ASTEROID FOR A YEAR. He doesn’t even build a rocket ship; he just makes a plastic tube and THROWS her there. His teenage cousin, who didn’t do anything bad, is exiled to a frigging ASTEROID for A YEAR because she revealed her secret existence to a DOG.  A DOG!

Even though all of this is part of an elaborate ruse on Superman’s part (to see if Supergirl would obey his orders, sheesh) and Supergirl returns shortly thereafter, I’d pay real money for Supergirl to say, “You’re not the boss of me, Kal-El!” and then kick him in the jimmies and go announce her existence to the world. I mean, by this time in the comics, everyone on Earth knew Superman was not the only survivor of Krypton: There was Krypto, there was Beppo the super-monkey, countless Phantom Zone villains, the bottle city of Kandor (population 10 million, seriously) and other folks from Krypton stopping by for meatloaf every Tuesday. So what if people knew that a Supergirl existed? What in the world was the big deal?

Imagine Superman as a father:

Superman’s son: “Oops! Sorry I spilled that orange juice, dad.”

Superman: “Your carelessness displeases me! Death to you!” {Massive heat vision zap!}

by Robert Gillis
8/2011

What was so special about the silver age of comic books? Read about it HERE
(Click any image to enlarge)

We’re arrived at Lois Lane #59 (1965) and Superman has saved Lois for the eight thousandth time this week.
Lois, swooning: “Thank you so much for rescuing me… if not for you…” (Remember those words, we will revisit them later)

Superman, being a complete dipshit as usual: “Skip the thanks, blah, blah, lecture,  lecture, blah, I’ve a whole UNIVERSE to protect!” (Remember those words, we will revisit them later)

My God, the arrogance – um, Supes, really, THE UNIVERSE? Even all those solar systems with red suns where you have no super powers? The Andromeda Galaxy? M-31? All the dark matter? The little old space-being crossing the road on Altair VI? Seriously? Sheesh.

Now, we’re concentrating on the second story in this issue but the first story bears some mentioning because it contains some key dialogue (above) from the Silver Age that boils down to this: a) Superman saves Lois almost daily, usually due to Lois being reckless and jettisoning common sense, and if he wasn’t around she would have been dead years ago; b) Superman protects THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE.

Anyway, remember those two points.

So, before we leave story one, this being a typical Tuesday, a SPACESHIP lands on the roof of the Daily Planet. No biggie. Don’t even bother snapping a photo. Happens all the time. The ALIENS from another PLANET look just like us, speak English, and they’ve traveled hundreds of light years to… Cure cancer? Usher in a new era of galactic peace?

Nope, they’re going to play matchmaker for Lois Lane…   But, let’s skip to story two: Lois returns to Krypton to prevent its destruction!

Story two has a terrific and (for once, for Lois) a NOBLE premise: A professor has invented a device, that could have, in theory, saved Krypton from destruction, so Lois decides to travel back in time and prevent Krypton’s destruction… A nice idea, a noble mission: Save billions of innocents from destruction. Sure, it will change history completely and will have repercussions across time and space for generations, but screw all that, it’s time for adventure!

So Jimmy Olsen gives Lois a book to learn Kryptonese, Kryptonian clothing, anti-gravity boots, etc.  and asks, “Why do you need them, Lois?”

I LOVE, LOVE, Lois’ line, “Because I’m going to Krypton, silly! No time to explain now! I want to leave right away!”

SAY WHAT? Here’s some great things Jimmy SHOULD have said:

a) “Um, Krypton blew up 30 years ago, so ANY trip there doesn’t require rushing. Sit down, have some decaf and three Valium, and explain yourself.”

b) “Lois, this sounds like time-travel, are you sure you won’t, oh, I dunno, screw up the entire space-time continuum?”

c) “I know it’s 1965, and none of us know what  “Back to the Future” is,  but you won’t prevent Superman’s parents from falling in love, or anything?”

Right. Hold that thought.

It should be noted that Jimmy Olsen once traveled back to Krypton’s past and also had to make sure Superman’s folks got married.  But that’s a story for another time.

It should also be noted that this ONE PAGE could be a one-year story arc these days.

Anywat, Lois plausibly takes the time machine on a TRIAL run back to Krypton, and learns the ALIEN SPACE language on her way back in time, the same way I would learn, say, fluent ancient Chinese on a flight to China.  It should noted that the time machine also navigates through SPACE as well, since Earth and Krypton are more than a few light-years apart.

Lois time travels into the past, finds Superman’s father Jor-El (BEFORE he married Lara and had the child Kal-El) and presents the plans for the device…

So everything is groovy, Jor-El likes the plans, says it’s a great idea, he’ll build the thing and save Krypton and Lois says that FATE HAS CHANGED.

Lois: “I’ll return to Earth and tell Superman the happy news!”

And there’s the rub. When you get back to Earth, Superman won’t be there, Lois, and by the way, neither will you.  And Earth will be very different:

• Fate has changed.  The tower was built.  Krypton did not explode.
• So Superman’s parents had no reason to send him to Earth.
• Kal-El grew up on Krypton and lived his ordinarly life there.
• So there was never a Clark Kent or Superman on Earth ever.
• So Lois was killed the first time she did something stupid because Superman was not there to save her. Ditto Jimmy Olsen, Lana Lang, Perry White, etc.
• All the disasters Superman ever prevented: No Superman, lots of disasters.
• (Not to mention all the crimes and disasters he stopped as Superboy)
• All those alien invasions and super-villians the man of steel stopped? Yeah, not so much.
• And not just Earth: Superman has A WHOLE UNIVERSE to protect, said so himself. So when Lois returns to the present, THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE has lost millions of people who should have been saved by Superman, who died because he never came to Earth.

Krypton sure is modern. Lots of rocks everywhere.  And look at that futuristic clipboard!

Anyway, Krypton is no longer doomed, fate is changed, but that’s not enough, since Lois’ time machine is broken and she  is now stuck on Krypton, she continues her noble mission by {wait for it} breaking up Superman’s parents and stealing Jor-El for herself. Again, it would be 20 more years until “Back to the Future” came out but any comic book reader in 1965 would understand that: Jor-El and Lara don’t get married = Superman is never born.

So now, not only is the ENTIRE UNIVERSE screwed, poor Superman never gets to exist!

“Erased… from existence!” — Doc Brown.

So advanced, the way those Kryptonians speak and conduct themselves.  And LOVE that futuristic Kryptonian PARK BENCH. What a futuristic, modern race!

In a textbook example of “Location, location, location,” the Kryptonians build the anti-boom tower in {wait for it} KANDOR, the city that, every Superman comic book reader knows, is stolen and shrunken by Brianiac.  So POOF (yes, that’s the sound a city makes when it is stolen, shrunken and placed into a bottle), Brainiac steals Kandor (and the tower) and, wouldn’t you know it, the Kryptonians only had enough material to build ONE of these tower things. Darn.

So Lois decides to leave again, and get a little exposition / technobabble / Deux ex machina and presto, the time machine works again, and Lois flies by Lara, and while Jor-El has his back turned, quickly explains that she’s from Earth and Lara should marry Jor-El. That half-panel would take up a another six issues of story these days.

Before she leaves, Lois fast forwards a few years.  I love the first panel. Lois arrives and thinks, “The home of Jor-El and Lara, now the parents of baby Kal-El… Who will someday become Superman on Earth.”

Thank you SO much for explaining that, Lois, because all this time we had NO IDEA who these people were, since they have only been identified ten times in this story already, and for that matter, through decades of Superman stories… And by the way, who is Lois talking to, anyway? Fourth wall alert!

Anyway, Jor-El and Lara are married and their son Kal-El, the infant Superman, is playing in the yard. Look how advanced Krypton is! White picket fence, vinyl siding, flower beds, green grass … Gosh, the folks fimiling ‘Superman: The Man of Steel” right now should save a bundle on CGI and should just film the next movie’s “Krypton” sequences in suburban California!

So there’s baby Kal-El, and Lois lays a few dozen kisses on the toddler, because Superman would NEVER let her kiss him like this. Yep, that’s not creepy at all.  Strangers from the future come back in time and passionately kiss babies every day on Krypton.  Ew.

While Kal-El is screaming, “I need an adult!”  WHOOPS! Jor-El is testing his new Phantom Zone ray and Lois gets zapped into the Phantom Zone.

Where she stays for 30 years.

With the worst of Krypton’s criminals.

In Kryptonian hell.

Which means {follow along now, kids} that BEFORE Krypton exploded and before she was born, there was a Lois Lane in the Phantom Zone and she weas there three decades.

And Superman? Back in the present, still a tool, just releases Lois from the zone, says he doesn’t want to hear it, he’s busy.   She just spent thirty years in Phantom Zone prison and he doesn’t even care WHY it happened.

Dipshit.

And then {wait for it} Lois realizes, she could have been Superman’s mother!  An adventure on Krypton, trying to prevent the planet’s demise, changing history, trying to prevent Superman’s parents marraige and steal his father for herself, 30 years in the zone, and it suddenly occurs to her (gasp) she could have been Superman’s mom!

Wow, just wow.

Genetics and biology 101 aside, even if Lois HAD been Superman’s mother, maybe she could have raised him to be less of a jerk.

But Lois has spent 30 years in the Phanton Zone! She’s learned her lesson and will NEVER time travel again or NEVER do anything reckless again!

Right? Right?

*cricket* *cricket* *cricket*

Sigh. How I love the Silver Age!

by Robert Gillis
3/2011

What was so special about the silver age of comic books? Read about it HERE

(Click any image to enlarge)

Continuing my rant proclaiming the evil of Lucy Lane, Lois Lane’s stewardess sister, and the goofiness of Lois Lane and Lana Lang in general …

While admittedly a dream sequence, Lois has been transformed into an old hag because she messed around with an aging formula. She goes back to HER apartment, you know, where LOIS pays the rent. Lucy comes home from abroad, and is her first concern for her only sibling, who has aged 80 years overnight? Nope — Lucy can’t tell her boyfriends (plural, not Jimmy) that Lois is her sister because they’ll think LUCY is OLD! So Lois will have to leave. Lois caves and says, “If that’s the way you want it.” And goes out into the cold rain to basically freeze to death.What Lois should have said: “Listen, jerk, I’m kinda in a bad situation, having aged 80 years in a day and all, and I pay the rent here, so if you can’t rustle up a molecule of compassion for me, how about YOU get the hell out?” Would’ve paid real money to see that.

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