Presenting … The missing Shatner scene! (Um, one crazy version of it, anyway.)
by Robert Gillis
“Spock, do yourself a favor: put aside logic, do what feels right.” Spock Prime said to Young Spock.
The younger Vulcan nodded, but added, “It is still… Difficult … to comprehend that James Kirk and I will become friends.”
Spock Prime reached into his pocket and retrieved a small disk, “I believe the correct human response would be, ‘Don’t take my word for it … ‘” And with that, a holographic image of an older James T. Kirk came into being.
“This death tape is being brought to you by PriceLine dot com. Bones, Spock. Since you are playing this tape, we will assume that I am dead.”
“What is a TAPE?” the younger Spock asked.
The hologram continued, “I probably died heroically, saving billions of lives in spectacular fashion, phasers blasting away on the Enterprise, and not alone on some backwater planet falling off a rusty bridge or something. Anyway, back to the reason you’re watching this. I assume that the tactical situation is critical and both of you are locked in mortal combat. It means, Spock that you have control of the ship and are probably making the most difficult decisions of your career, stuff I usually do before breakfast. ”
Kirk continued, “I can offer only one small piece of advice for whatever it’s worth: You can use every scrap of logic and knowledge you have to save the ship, but honestly, what did that ever do for you? Look, just temper your judgment by asking yourself, ‘What would Jim Kirk do?’ If you forget that, these attractive “WWJKD?” bracelets are available at William Shatner dot com.”
Spock-Prime sighed heavily.
Kirk went on, “If you can’t do this, seek out McCoy. Ask his advice, and, if you find it sound, take it. But if he starts the “Space is disease and danger” speech it’s best just to leave him alone, otherwise he’s likely to start jabbing you with a hypo, and that’s annoying as hell. Bones, you’ve heard what I just told Spock. Help him if you can, but remember he is the captain, his decisions must be followed, without question.
“Humph! I almost kept a straight face there. No, seriously Bones, do what you always do, badger the captain, especially in front of the crew. It’s not like you’re gonna do otherwise. Finally, if either of you ever travel back in time, please tell Picard to exit the Nexus a few days earlier and arrest Soren in ten-forward rather than timing it to the last freaking second, then maybe I … Well, it looks like my time is up, be sure to watch an all new season of Raw Nerve in the fall, and take care.”
As the hologram faded, Spock Prime said, “Forgive me. My logic is uncertain, where my friends are concerned.” He gave the Vulcan salute and added, “Since my customary farewell would seem oddly self-serving, I will only say, if you ever see a ship named “Botany Bay,” fire all phasers and destroy it immediately. Good Luck, Spock.”