by Robert Gillis 4/2008
What was so special about the silver age of comic books? Read about it HERE
Pa: “Um, Clark, we discovered you in the rocket and raised you from infancy, remember? We know you’re Superboy.”
Superboy: “Oh, right!”
Clark Kent: “Well, it’s Saturday night, so I’m going into my secret basement and use my mind-prober ray to relive forgotten adventures on Krypton when I was a baby — you know I have total recall but occasional exposures to green Kryptonite have caused certain lapses in that memory so I designed the mind prober ray based on the blueprints my brilliant scientist father Jor-El included in my rocket ship.”
Ma Kent: “Um, we know that, Clark. So, Lana Lang was hoping you’d ask her to the senior prom. Sure is a pretty girl, that Lana!”
Clark: “I have a theory that a forgotten memory will help me analyze that mysterious box I found in the Great Pyramid and reveal that it’s is actually a relic from the planet Blor and holds a mysterious element that will cure Virus-Z!”
Ma: “I’ll let Lana know you have the sniffles or something.”
Lamp starts blinking.
Clark: “GASP! The lamp is blinking! That means that Professor Lang, Chief Parker or the President of the United States is looking for Superboy!”
Pa Kent: “Um, we know that, Clark.”
BUT BEFORE CLARK CAN SWITCH TO HIS DYNAMIC ALTER-EGO, THE KENTS RECEIVE A SURPRISE VISITOR!
Lana Lang: “Hi everyone! I thought I’d come by and say hello!”
Ma Kent: “Well hello Lana dear! We were just talking about you! We understand there’s a nice prom coming up. Clark, wouldn’t it be nice to have a date with Lana… You know, a date? With a girl?”
Lana: “Say, you’re lamp is blinking on and off!”
Pa: “No it isn’t! I mean, that has nothing to do with any secret method of contacting Superboy!”
Ma: “Yes, lots of lamps blink for no reason! We’re hiding nothing!”
Lana: “Um, OK. I just thought the bulb might be loose.”
Clark: {Gulp, I need to think of a way to excuse myself without arising Lana’s suspicions!} “Choke! Wheeze! AH-choo! Gasp! I think I have… Appendix… Bursting… My ovaries… oh, must’ve been that spaghetti sauce… garlic…. have to get… to… hospital! GAH!”
He bolts from the room.
Lana: “That was odd.”
Pa: “You have no idea.”
- Are all Martians green? And evil? I thought J’onn J’onzz, the Martian Manhunter was the only living (surviving?) Martian? or something?
- Does anyone say “BAH!” anymore?
- “It’s different than green kryptonite, you know!” Thanks for the exposition. Because Superboy had NEVER seen Red K up to now.
- Red K is UNPREDICTABLE. How did Mean Martian Guy know it would split Clark? Oh, rigggghhhht, the control machine thingy.
- Does anyone say “Holy Cow” anymore? If I split into two people my first words would get me fined by the FCC.
- “Clark and I are ALIVE at the same time!” Dude, you ARE Clark. You ARE Superboy. Neither of you are dead.
- Clark and Superboy, first order of business, head right to Lana’s Lang’s house and say, “Hi Lana! Superboy and I want to show you that we’re not the same person, and I’m not his secret identity, so stop being such a pain in the ass about it, ok?”
