by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and the Boston City Paper 2/2010
Slow news day. As good a time as any to pick on Facebook. If you don’t use Facebook, you might not “get” this one.
Melinda Minutia: Plain oatmeal for breakfast this morning! Yummy.
Joanna O’Blivious: Just installed the new wireless router — does anyone bother to change the default password from “admin?” Seems like a lot of work for nothing!
Preston Langley: Will need to work all night again. Miss the wife and kids.
Zack Emo: Is yeah, but no, but yeah.
Kaylie Brittney: Took the quiz, “If you were an appliance, what would you be? And got the answer: “Cordless Cheese Grater.”
Zack Emo: Is in a relationship with Christine.
Sean Meringue: Is bored.
Perry Ziffel: Damned coyotes ate all of my corm in Farmville.
Preston Langley: This project would collapse without me. Looks like the programming specs are all wrong. Will have to rewrite entre thing. So tired. Another late night at the desk.
Linda Langley: Poor Preston is working late again tonight. What a good husband I have.
Melinda Minutia: Low on milk; may need to go out and buy some.
Stiffler’s Mom: Is in a relationship with Preston Langley.
Perry Ziffel: Barn fire in FarmVille!
Ophelia TwilightRain: Sent you a gift that didn’t cost her a penny.
Sean Meringue: Call me; bored.
Joanna O’Blivious: Jimmy says one of his friends used our computer to surf porn sites! I’m sure glad Jimmy would never do that!
Mugsy Maples: I just hit Zowie with the Mayor McCheese pillow, a snowball, and a peapod pillow!
Zowie: Stop it, Mugsy.
Melinda Minutia: At store to buy milk. Back at the car when I realized I forgot light bulbs! Back to the store.
Zack Emo: Is single. Seriously like are you kidding me grow up already and stop acting like this? LOL.
Zack Emo: Christine I miss you.
Zack Emo: Is in a relationship with Christine.
Kaylie Brittney: Took the quiz, “What animal were you in a previous life?” and got the answer “Duck billed platypus in the 16th century.”
Zack Emo: Is single.
Perry Ziffel: No rain for weeks, all the crops are dying in Farmville.
Preston Langley: Am I the only one who can save this company? 16 hour days, 7 days a week — Now I have to go to ANOTHER trade show in Vegas! Would much rather be home with the kids and wife.
Linda Langley: Preston can’t call from Vegas conference, said he’s in meetings all day. Miss you! XOXO.
Melinda Minutia: Saw a squirrel in the tree! Hi Mr. squirrel.
Stiffler’s Mom: Vegas rocks! Our hotel room has a hot tub.
Ophelia TwilightRain: Has joined a cult that worships irrelevant turnips.
Mugsy Maples: I just hit Zowie with a water balloon!
Zowie: I said STOP IT, Mugsy.
Mugsy Maples: I just hit Zowie with a cinder block and a steel I beam!
Zowie: Has taken out a restraining order against Mugsy Maples. [UNFRIEND Mugsy Maples]
Sean Meringue: Is bored.
Perry Ziffel: The cows are plotting against me in FarmVille!
Ophelia TwilightRain: My wish for 2010 is that people will understand that people who need more cowbell do not have a disease; people who need more cowbell are not looking for a cure but ACCEPTANCE.
Mugsy Maples: Just robbed ten banks, intimidated witnesses, and blew up three rival drug cartels in Mafia Wars!
Mugsy Maples: Laundered twelve million dollars for the DaVinci crime family in Mafia Wars!
Joanna O’Blivious: Bill, the kids and I are off for two fun-filled weeks in the Bahamas so we won’t be around the house at all! We’ll miss the large-screen TV and all those tech toys, as well as the Oak Street block party, will be back by the 4th for the security company to fix the broken alarm system.
Mugsy Maples: Indicted by the grand jury in Mafia Wars!
Perry Ziffel: No rain for a month, crops dying in FarmVille!
Mugsy Maples: Turned State’s evidence in Mafia Wars!
Mugsy Maples: Just wants to put this all behind him and get on with his life in Mafia Wars!
Melinda Minutia: Going to bed!! Have a good night all.
Robert Gillis: Loves Facebook and will continue to make fun of it.
