{"id":1011,"date":"2010-06-28T16:19:46","date_gmt":"2010-06-28T21:19:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/?p=1011"},"modified":"2021-01-25T15:54:54","modified_gmt":"2021-01-25T20:54:54","slug":"more-silver-age-superboy-absurdity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/?p=1011","title":{"rendered":"More Silver-Age Superboy Absurdity!"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Robert Gillis 7\/2010<\/em><\/p>\n

What was so special about the silver age of comic books? Read about it HERE<\/a><\/span><\/em>
\n(Click any image to enlarge)<\/p>\n

Superboy was the lead feature in Adventure Comics in the mid-1950s, and each story usually featured him teaching a mean bully a lesson, getting kids to work together, organizing a community anti-litter club, or some other thinly disguised 1950s era PSA, all the while Lana Lang would follow him around saying, \u201cI know you\u2019re Clark Kent.\u201d<\/p>\n

Here are some classic, \u201cepitome of the Silver Age,\u201d Superboy panels from that era\u2026<\/p>\n

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From Adventure Comics #195, 1953: \u2026So Lana finds out that a super-hero boy from Mars (cleverly named \u201cMars Boy\u201d) is on Earth and overhears Superboy use the lad\u2019s real name (which I believe is \u201cKlaatu barada nikto.\u201d) Anyway, this is a year before J’onn J’onzz, the Martian Manhunter debuted, and back then, Mars was exactly like Earth, with people and cities and the Ice Capades and everything. Anyway, Lana approaches the EXTRATERRESTRIAL who has a DANGEROUS EXTRATERRESTRIAL CRIMINAL in custody IN A CAVE. She knows NOTHING about Martian culture, customs, laws, galactic politics, or the abilities of either Martian (or what weapons they might be carrying), but tells \u201cMars Boy\u201d that unless he does her bidding (which will include making her a dress and picking flowers, I kid you not!), she\u2019ll reveal his secret identity to the DANGEROUS EXTRATERRESTRIAL CRIMINAL. Who cares if \u201cMars Boy\u201d has a family or friends that would be put in danger? Who cares if it would end his crime-fighting career or somehow compromise his life on Mars, or create an interplanetary incident? Nope, what\u2019s important here is that Lana gets what she wants through felonious actions (blackmail\/extortion). What I\u2019d really like to see: \u201cMars Boy\u201d uses his heat vision to vaporize Lana saying, \u201cSorry, on Mars, blackmail is punishable by death.\u201d ZAP!<\/p>\n

Next we have this gem from Adventure Comics #205:<\/p>\n

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Way to help keep a secret, Ma and Pa! Jonathan, Martha and Superboy, the only people on Earth who know Clark is Superboy, find another rocket on the Kent farm, (what, do they have a landing strip there or something?!) and there\u2019s Martha, needlessly blurting out, \u201cWhy, it’s just like the last time — when Superboy came here from the planet Krypton!\u201d to, again, the only people on Earth who already know the whole story. Then Pa chirps in helpfully with, \u201cYes — And we adopted him and named him Clark Kent!\u201d Why are they saying this? Man, it\u2019s not like this is the first time any of them are hearing the story. Who even talks like this? What I\u2019d really like to see is Lana Lang poking her head out the next-door window and saying, \u201cAh-ha! I knew it!\u201d No, strike that \u2013 what I\u2019d REALLY like to see is Superboy look at his foster parents and say, \u201cWho the hell are you talking to? We\u2019re all here! Are you trying to blow my secret wide open or should we just take out an ad in the Daily Planet? Sheesh!\u201d<\/p>\n

Also, look at the final panel. Kral (who understands the Earth people because EVERYONE in the universe speaks English) says he is from Titan, a moon of Jupiter. Um, sorry dude, but Titan is a moon of SATURN, and Superboy knows this, because Saturn Girl, from the Legion of Super-Heroes, is from Titan and um, her name is SATURN girl. Look, I know we\u2019re talking about a character that can fly and shoot fire from his eyes, but c\u2019mon, this is Astronomy 101.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s another cover where the Kents pull the same \u201cscream out the secret identity\u201d crap:<\/p>\n

 
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Our next yarn features a panel from Adventure Comics #204 that should never have got past the comic code authority (or the editors):<\/p>\n

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\u2026So in this comic book, a teenage prankster yells at the police officer that he\u2019s a killer and he\u2019s throwing a bomb. But as Superboy races in to smother the weapon, ha, ha, it\u2019s just a squishy pumpkin. Wow, you gave us all a good scare, you meany! \u201cAren’t you ashamed?\u201d asked Superboy.   You’re telling me the cop doesn’t have enough to throw this kid’s ass in jail?  Please!<\/p>\n

Now let\u2019s look at this in a real world situation, shall we? If a kid did this today, a) he wouldn\u2019t be arrested for threatening murder, b) nor would he stand trial for domestic terrorism or possessing a hoax device\/WMD, c) nor would he go to prison. And why not? Because d) None of the above; the cop would whip out his service weapon and drop the little shit, and the only thing the Internal Affairs follow-up report would say would be, \u201cJustifiable use of deadly force.\u201d Today\u2019s lesson: Don\u2019t threaten anyone with fake weapons, kids. It can make you all sorts of dead. Man, what a stupid, stupid, stupid thing to publish in a comic book aimed at children. At least commercials today say, \u201cDo not attempt.\u201d<\/p>\n

Finally, from the same issue, Clark responds to a SCREECH from Lana! Gosh, what terrible thing has happened to her?<\/p>\n

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Yes, here\u2019s another example of the real-world unimaginable, horrific dilemmas teenagers of the mid-1950s faced. Korea? Nope? The Cold War? Nope. McCarthyism? Nope. Polio? Nope. It\u2019s\u2026 {Wait for it} THE LABELS ON THE CANS CAME OFF AND LANA DOESN\u2019T KNOW WHAT\u2019S IN WHICH CAN. The horror, the horror. Oh, the humanity! How will she ever resolve this unsolvable crisis? Don’t cry, Lana! Hey, here\u2019s a radical idea: Maybe she could OPEN THE DAMNED CANS!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Robert Gillis 7\/2010 What was so special about the silver age of comic books? Read about it HERE (Click any image to enlarge) Superboy was the lead feature in Adventure Comics in the mid-1950s, and each story usually featured him teaching a mean bully a lesson, getting kids to work together, organizing a community […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[155],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1011","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-comicbookhumor"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1011","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1011"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1011\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7191,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1011\/revisions\/7191"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1011"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1011"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1011"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}