{"id":1195,"date":"2010-11-30T15:58:18","date_gmt":"2010-11-30T20:58:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/?p=1195"},"modified":"2015-12-11T15:21:22","modified_gmt":"2015-12-11T20:21:22","slug":"fun-with-facebook-christmas-edition","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/?p=1195","title":{"rendered":"Fun with Facebook: Christmas 2010 edition!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.gillisphotos.com\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-4314\" src=\"http:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/13-Christmas-Still-Life-Red-And-Green-Christmas-Bulbs-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"Christmas Still Life - Red And Green Christmas Bulbs\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/13-Christmas-Still-Life-Red-And-Green-Christmas-Bulbs-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/13-Christmas-Still-Life-Red-And-Green-Christmas-Bulbs.jpg 400w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a>by Robert Gillis<br \/>\npublished in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City Paper, 12\/2010<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Welcome to \u201cFun with Facebook, Christmas edition\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Frosty the Snowman:<\/strong> Happy birthday! Hey, I said my first words. But&#8230; But snowmen can&#8217;t talk or use Facebook! What\u2019s going on??!!<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Karen:<\/strong> Our snowman came alive! There must have been some magic in that old top hat they found!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Professor Hinkle:<\/strong> It\u2019s my hat and I want it back. NOW.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Virginia O\u2019Hanlon:<\/strong> I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Santa Claus. Papa says, \u201cIf you see it on Facebook it\u2019s so.\u201d Please tell me the truth, is there a Santa Claus?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Zack Emo:<\/strong> OMG is she serious?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Kaylie Brittney:<\/strong> SHUT up Zack, she\u2019s only 8. Yes, sweetie, Santa exists!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Ophelia TwilightRain:<\/strong> Santa exists. I\u2019ve seen him.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Virginia O\u2019Hanlon:<\/strong> You saw Santa? Where?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Karen:<\/strong> I saw him too! He saved Frosty\u2019s life when Professor Hinkle trapped him in the greenhouse and tried to murder him!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Professor Hinkle:<\/strong> Saved his life?!!! It\u2019s a SNOWMAN! When you grow up, you&#8217;ll realize that snowman can&#8217;t come to life!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Professor Hinkle:<\/strong> Is writing &#8220;I am very sorry for what I did to Frosty&#8221; a hundred zillion times. Hope Santa doesn\u2019t know about cut and paste.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Zack Emo:<\/strong> Virginia, there is no Santa, it\u2019s your parents. And there\u2019s no Easter Bunny either!<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Kaylie Brittney:<\/strong> Don\u2019t listen to him Virginia! Zack, you are such a doofus! The kid is 8! Santa Claus is real! [Unfriend Zack Emo]<\/li>\n<li><strong>Virginia O\u2019Hanlon:<\/strong> Thank you Kaylie, I believe you. So everything on Facebook is true? Zack Emo is really dating Angelina Jolie and Scarlet Johansson?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rudolph:<\/strong> First day at school \u2013 hope I make a lot of friends and they don\u2019t notice my\u2026<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Prancer:<\/strong> You should see the new reindeer \u2013 his nose is shiny and red! I\u2019d even say it glows!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Cupid:<\/strong> Freak.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Fireball:<\/strong> Yep.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Clarisse:<\/strong> He\u2019s cute.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Comet:<\/strong> From now on we won\u2019t let Rudolph play in any reindeer games.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Santa Claus:<\/strong> Reindeer with a glowing red nose. I KNEW allowing that nuclear waste to be dumped so close to the North Pole was a bad idea.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Fireball, Comet and Cupid:<\/strong> Are attending anti-bullying and diversity in the workplace classes<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Mama Claus:<\/strong> Likes this.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mama Claus:<\/strong> Can\u2019t get Papa to eat. No one wants a skinny Santa!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Santa Claus:<\/strong> God, that woman I married. My cholesterol is 312, FINALLY dropped 10 pounds last summer, and she\u2019s feeding me all day! And that Elf song, can they just SHUT UP???!!!!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Holly Gennaro:<\/strong> Hopes John can visit us for Christmas.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sergeant Al Powell <\/strong>and <strong>John McClain are now friends. <\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Hans Gruber:<\/strong> I assume you realize the futility of direct action against me.<\/li>\n<li><strong>John McClain:<\/strong> Yippee-ki-yay!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Hans Gruber:<\/strong> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH {splat}<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Burgermeister Meisterburger:<\/strong> Toys are hereby declared illegal, immoral, and unlawful AND anyone found with a toy in his possession will be placed under arrest and thrown in the dungeon. No kidding!<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Ebenezer Scrooge, the Grinch <\/strong>and<strong> Mr. Potter <\/strong>like this.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob Cratchit:<\/strong> Merry Christmas!<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Ebenezer Scrooge:<\/strong> Let me see another Facebook posting during working hours from you, and you&#8217;ll keep your Christmas by losing your situation!<\/li>\n<li><strong>Kaylie Brittney:<\/strong> I love the \u201cSituation\u201d but Snooki rules! GTL!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Grinch:<\/strong> I must stop this whole thing! Why, for fifty-three years I&#8217;ve put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming&#8230; but how?<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>ACLU:<\/strong> Easy, start by calling it, \u201cHappy Holidays.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>The Grinch:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been puzzling for three hours. My puzzler is sore.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Zack Emo:<\/strong> LOL dude sounds serious. If it lasts four hours, see a doctor!<\/li>\n<li><strong>LB:<\/strong> FOUR HOURS?!<\/li>\n<li><strong>The Grinch:<\/strong> Maybe Christmas, doesn&#8217;t come from a store. Maybe Christmas&#8230; perhaps&#8230; means a little bit more! Maybe\u2026 Nah.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Fonzie: \u201cI know you&#8217;re hip to Waukesha&#8221;<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Howard Cunningham: \u201cWell to tell you the truth Fonzie, it was Richie who figured it out.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Marion Cunningham, Joanie Cunningham, and 24 others like this.<\/li>\n<li>Chuck Cunningham changed his status to: Retconned<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>George Bailey:<\/strong> Ha, ha, ha, ha! My mouth&#8217;s bleeding, Bert! My mouth&#8217;s bleeding! Zuzu&#8217;s petals&#8230; Zuzu&#8230; There they are! Bert, what do you know about that! Merry Christmas!<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Zack Emo:<\/strong> Who the bleep is Bert?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>The Star Wars Holiday Special:<\/strong> Hey, I just wanted to say&#8230;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>George Lucas:<\/strong> Shut up, you don&#8217;t exist.<\/li>\n<li><strong>The Star Wars Holiday Special:<\/strong> But I was on TV in 1978!<\/li>\n<li><strong>George Lucas:<\/strong> I said you don&#8217;t exist.<\/li>\n<li><strong>The Star Wars Holiday Special:<\/strong> Doesn&#8217;t anyone remember me?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Entire Facebook community:<\/strong> *cricket* *cricket* *cricket*<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Charlie Brown:<\/strong> I just don\u2019t understand Christmas, I guess.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Charlie Brown\u2019s Mother:<\/strong> Mwah, mwah whah whahhhh.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ralphie Parker:<\/strong> For Christmas I want an official Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Ralphie&#8217;s Mom:<\/strong> No, you&#8217;ll shoot your eye out.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Mark Cohen:<\/strong> December 24, 9pm. Benny wants ALL the rent from last year! How we gonna pay, how we gonna pay, last year\u2019s rent?<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Rudolph:<\/strong> So after YEARS of being a \u201cmisfit\u201d and outcast, after years of therapy and bullying, guess who comes to ask me lead his sleigh tonight? Yep, the big fat man in the red suit himself. NEVER once stood up for me, never let Herbie become a dentist, and NOW he wants ME to save the day? NO THANKS! Besides, I don\u2019t work on Christmas Eve.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sam Wainwright:<\/strong> Hee Haw and Merry Christmas!<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Robert Gillis:<\/strong> Loves Facebook and wishes all of you a very Merry Christmas and Happy New year!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>by Robert Gillis published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City Paper, 12\/2010 Welcome to \u201cFun with Facebook, Christmas edition\u2026\u201d Frosty the Snowman: Happy birthday! Hey, I said my first words. But&#8230; But snowmen can&#8217;t talk or use Facebook! What\u2019s going on??!! Karen: Our snowman came alive! There must have been some magic in that [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[39,16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1195","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-christmas","category-humor"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1195","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1195"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1195\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1195"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1195"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.robertxgillis.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1195"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}