RobertXGillis

RobertXGillis

25+ years of published Op/Ed columns, professional photography, my first book and more from the 28 known galaxies!

RobertXGillis
  • About Me
  • My professional photography
  • Nana – my first published book
  • Gillis Photo and Nana Videos
  • Site Map
  • Nativity

Sharpen those Interviewing Skills!

  • Humor

 

Job tip: How NOT to dress for the interview.  It's always best to wear a suit.
Job tip: How NOT to dress for the interview. It’s always best to wear a suit.

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter, May 2006 and the Boston City Paper

Note: Recently I have found myself interviewing, and am blessed to have found a terrific new job. But it’s been a crazy month, and I thought some job-hunting humor was in order…

I have been taking note of the fact that many people look for jobs every day but many or most lack certain interviewing skills that hinder their chances of finding the right position.

After literally thousands of hours of research and documentation, I would like to present this handy guide to interviewing success to anyone looking for a job.

BE PROMPT! There is no excuse for being three hours late for an interview. Most companies, however unjustly, view your tardiness as an indicator of your future performance. Best bet: Arrive NO LATER than 30 minutes late for any interview.

BUT: Don’t arrive early — you’ll look needy and over-eager.

BRING AT LEAST ONE HUNDRED COPIES OF YOUR RESUME. Companies go through piles of resumes every day so be sure to bring along yours. Hand one to every person you see and scotch tape it to the walls. Also, it’s best not to go with plain white paper — everyone uses it. BORING! Print your resume on festive holiday paper (Halloween pumpkins and bats are nice) or print on lime green or bright red paper — your resume will be sure to be noticed.

INTRODUCE YOURSELF AND REMIND PEOPLE OF YOUR NAME. It’s very helpful if you wear a large, “HELLO MY NAME IS” tag on your lapel. Spell your name, especially if is a simple name: “Hi, I am Bob, that’s B-O-B.”

MAKE EYE CONTACT. It’s important to show you are direct and forthright. Immediately make eye contact with the interviewer. Do not break your stare until they blink.

BUT ESTABLISH BOUNDARIES. Immediately after shaking hands, say, “This is my dance space; this is your dance space.” You also have a right to privacy. When they ask what you did at your last job, add, “I was told those records are sealed.”

SHOW THAT YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT THE INTERVIEW. Place a tape recorder on the table and explain that this interview may be monitored or recorded for training and quality assurance purposes.

BE INQUISITIVE. Interviewers like this; it means you are interested in the job. A great question to begin with: “So, what exactly do you guys do here?” and “What’s your company’s name again?”

BE HONEST. Don’t make excuses if you nod off. Just smile, explain you fell asleep for just a moment, and ask the interviewer to repeat the question.

DRESS THE PART. It happens to a lot of people — the white shirt you’re wearing is cheap polyester and sheer — allowing the Superman costume under your suit to be clearly visible. Best bet: Wear thick cotton to cover the costume. If you forget, just mutter, “Great Scott, my secret identity has been revealed!”

SHOW THAT YOU ARE ENVIRONMENTALLY CONSCIOUS. Ask about the company recycling program. Ask, “Do you have a company recycling plan? Or do you just throw your garbage into the Artic and club baby seals?” This shows you not only recycle, you care about the environment and small animals.

SHOW FAMILIARITY WITH TECHNOLOGY. Pick up a CD; face it toward a light and say, “Ooooooh, shiny!”

SHOW EGO STRENGTH. Refer to yourself in the third person. “Bob is displeased with that question. Bob agrees with you. Bob was a person of supreme importance at his previous job.” Also, you can never go wrong talking like Yoda from Star Wars: “Honored would I be to work here.” “Generous, your benefits package is.” “Know how to load a video driver, I do not.”

ASK RELEVANT QUESTIONS: Ask, “Drug screening isn’t today, right, right?” And then mutter, “Whew!”

YOU MUST PROVIDE REFERENCES. In years gone by, a request for references could be challenged with a simple, “Are you calling me a liar?” but these days interviewers WILL ask for references. At least two should be from your Corrections / Parole officers, and at least one should be someone known to be dead, such as Adlai Stevenson. They never check that stuff, anyway.

ESTABLISH HOW MANY HOURS YOU WILL WORK. When discussing hours, if you are asked if you’re willing to do overtime, the best response is to just roll your eyes. If they still want an answer, the best response is, “Yeah, just so long as I’m home in time for Fear Factor.”

SHOW YOUR FAITH. In any sort of moral quandary, explain that you always ask yourself, “What would Britney Spears do?”

SHOW YOUR DIVERSITY. Ensure that you will have the following holidays off with pay: Ramadan, Kwanzaa, Chinese New Year, Christmas, Halloween, Arbor Day, cinco de mayo, Canadian Dominion Day, George Takei’s birthday, Boxing Day, and the anniversary of the Moon Landing.

FINALLY, BE NONCHALANT BUT LEAVE THE DOOR OPEN FOR FOLLOW-UP. As you leave, regardless of how the interview went, say, “There’s an hour I’ll never get back.” That shows you are not desperate and sure of your success. Also, it’s a good idea to add, “Well, I’ll let you know.”

While I cannot guarantee that any of these helpful tips will help you secure employment, I assure you that even adapting a few of them into your style will GUARANTEE the company remembers you a for a very long time.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

Related Posts via Categories

  • Play the TV News Snow Game! (Global Warming #alternativefacts means more snow!)
  • Fun with Facebook: Christmas 2015 edition!
  • Silver Age Superman Fun: STOP THE PRESSES! Somebody sent Superman… A LETTER!!!!!!!
  • Because you demanded it: Another Slow News Day (Summer 2014)
  • Fun with Facebook: Christmas 2010 edition!
  • What if “The Christmas Song” were written in 2010?
  • How was my vacation? It’s great to be home!
  • Facebook Fun: A Parody!
  • Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and yes, Virginia, he knows that the world is ending in 2012
  • Movie Reviews are easier than you think!
Spread the love
May 4, 2006 Robert Gillis 0

Post navigation

Spring cleaning can be an expensive proposition → ← Foxboro Jaycees Easter Egg Hunt

My Professional Photography

Buy My Book!

Go to Nana Book website

Follow Me!

  • Facebook

RobertXGillis.com Categories (Drop Down Menu)!

Category Cloudy Thingy!

A must read Avoiding Fraud Backstreets Boston Bruce Springsteen Catholic / Church Christmas CNN image Computers / Tech Current Events / News Commentary Current News Story Parody and Humor Dorchester Foxboro Foxboro Founders Day Foxboro Jaycees Foxboro Jaycees Haunted House Foxboro Reporter Image Halloween Holidays - Other Humor Life events, Gratitude and Giving and Little Miracles Mass Shootings Memorials Movies Music My fiction (80s/90s) Nana Book NASA Image New Hampshire News image from Web New Year Not The Best Pets Politics Scanned From Newspaper Microfilm Seniors September 11, 2001 Slow News Day Humor Sports Star Trek Superman Superman and Friends - Comic Book Humor and Parody Television Uncategorized Web / Email / Internet / Social Media

Robert Gillis Site Archives From the 28 Known Galaxies

Weekly Popular!

  • A dream come true, meeting Joanna Cameron, star of… (37)
  • Memories of an Intensive Care Nursery at Saint… (14)
  • Grieving the Saint Kevin’s Property (13)
  • An interview with Joanna Levesque, aka “JoJo” (10)
  • Katy Perry’s “Firework:” A message every teen needs to hear (9)
  • A loss too deep for words: Remembering Lorraine and… (9)
  • Memo: Cost-cutting measures during these tough… (8)
  • Silver Age Comics: Spanking your super kids, a great… (7)
  • Play the TV News Snow Game! (Global Warming… (5)
  • The Weakest Link (5)
  • Silver Age Comic Books: Superman stops the… (5)
  • Silver-Age Superboy comic book (in)justice! (4)
  • 1997 – Keep the Patriots in Foxboro —… (4)
  • An historical quest fulfilled: Finding the Willey… (4)
  • What was the Silver Age of comic books? Superman,… (4)
  • Retro-Review “A Christmas Carol” (1951) (4)
  • More Lucy Lane and Lois Lane Silver-Age Comics Sillyness! (3)
  • The Church still stands: Remembering the promise of… (3)
  • Humor: The missing William Shatner scene in J.J.… (3)
  • More Silver-Age Lois Lane comic book madness! (3)
  • A letter to Mom on Christmas Day (3)
  • Next Saturday night, we’re sending Lois… (2)
  • Review: Bruce Springsteen at Boston Fleet Center 9/27/1999 (2)
  • Memories of Halloween (2)
  • Whatever Happened to the Man of Steel? — My… (2)
  • Popular posts by Top 10 plugin

Most Popular On This Site!

  • A dream come true, meeting Joanna Cameron, star of… (16,721)
  • An interview with Joanna Levesque, aka “JoJo” (6,153)
  • A letter to Mom on Christmas Day (3,655)
  • Memo: Cost-cutting measures during these tough… (3,300)
  • Silver Age Comics: Spanking your super kids, a great… (2,723)
  • Memories of an Intensive Care Nursery at Saint… (2,328)
  • Thoughts on visiting seven churches on Holy Thursday (1,716)
  • Father Steve Madden leaving Saint Mary’s… (1,623)
  • Grieving the Saint Kevin’s Property (1,534)
  • The National Shrine of Our Lady of La Salette in… (1,513)
  • The customer, most assuredly, is NOT always right: A… (1,397)
  • More Lucy Lane and Lois Lane Silver-Age Comics Sillyness! (1,213)
  • Katy Perry’s “Firework:” A message every teen needs to hear (1,043)
  • Silver-Age Comics fun: Going to the chapel, and… (1,042)
  • What was the Silver Age of comic books? Superman,… (1,036)
  • Popular posts by Top 10 plugin

Copyright and Legal

All site content copyright © 2020 by Robert Gillis except where specifically noted. All rights reserved. THIS IS A PERSONAL WEBLOG (“BLOG”). THE OPINIONS AND COMMENTARY EXPRESSED HERE REPRESENT MY OWN AND ARE NOT THOSE OF MY EMPLOYERS (PAST, PRESENT NOR FUTURE).

About images:

I do my best to use my own photos to illustrate a post (and copyright to all my images remains with me), but sometimes I need to use an image from, say, a sports logo, a TV show or movie, or something I could not possibly get on my own, for example, an image of the international space station. I always credit the original owner (if they can be determined) but in ALL cases, whether credited or not, any images I didn’t photograph myself remain the property of the original copyright holders. This site does not imply any ownership of such images or materials, and such images are used here for commentary / illustrative / entertainment purposes only, under what is believed to be fair use guidelines, and absolutely no copyright infringement is intended.

Powered by WordPress | theme SG Double