by Robert Gillis 12/2025
This is the story I told at Foxboro’s Marylyn Rodman Performing Arts Center “Fox Tales” series in December 2025, the basis of the story is a column I wrote for The Reporter many years ago, and expanded with other real-life memories of the hunt for the ‘perfect’ Christmas tree. Enjoy.
Good evening and Merry everything and welcome to my TED talk on seasonal frostbite!
Speaking of Christmas trees, when Susan and I first got together, we would get a real tree each December. Both our families had switched to artificial trees, and we yearned for the balsam fir aroma and “real” trees of our youth.
At first, we would just stop at one of the handy LOCAL trees lots located on just about every corner, choose a tree (OOOHH, we’ll get to that), and drive home and set it up. Convenient, right?
Problem was, these trees were cut back in August and shipped in trucks, and they just don’t last very long. On two occasions, they didn’t even last through the Christmas season despite constant care. One-year, true story, we actually needed to take down a tree and buy a new one four days before Christmas.
SO — Years ago, before we came to our senses and picked up a beautiful artificial tree ourselves, we had (FOR A WHILE) an annual Christmas tradition that I, well, didn’t LOVE.
Susan wanted to go to a Christmas tree farm and cut down our own tree. Just like on Hallmark, and in the movies.
That FIRST time was memorable because it set the template for each subsequent “tree trek”
Fun fact: Christmas tree farms tend to be VERY FAR AWAY. I think it’s a law.
So — It’s years ago and might have been Westport (really), or might have been Uxbridge (really), because remember the law, tree farm has to be FAR AWAY — but finally, we found it!
So, there we were – A REAL Christmas tree farm! The romance and Christmas spirit was intoxicating — as visions of Norman Rockwell Cards (and Chevy Chase Christmas movies) danced in our heads! We were amazed by the VAST fields of trees. A light snow was falling. Couples walked hand in hand. Kids squealing with excitement! You could smell the cider mulling!
This is wonderful, I thought to myself. It’s so romantic! So Christmassy! So … So … So …
Well, so cold.
To further add to the Christmas adventure, Susan and I have – then and now — somewhat different opinions over what constitutes the perfect tree. For me, a classification of “This one is nice” will do. For Susan, she needs to see the rays of light shining on the tree from the heavens, the music playing on the wind, every branch and pine needle in perfect symmetry.
She has actually said words to this effect.
ALSO — Finding the PERFECT tree takes TIME. LOTS of time walking through ten thousand acres of trees.
Susan is holding a map of the tree farm — The sections are numbered from one to the North Pole and we trudge across the frozen wasteland with other searchers like snow zombies. A sign reminds us to watch our step because of the abundant cut tree trunks; I trip over them anyway.
And it’s cold.
As the temperature drops and hypothermia becomes a very real possibility, I do my best to keep smiling, because I love her.
Susan looks at me. “Oh, I know, you’re cold,” she says, the emphasis on that last word dropping the temperature another ten more degrees. She insists: “It’s fun! It’s Christmassy!”
“It’s cold,” I remind her. I’m whining. I hate it when I whine.
I point — “How about this one?” It’s a nice tree.
“You just want to pick anything so we can go,” Susan says.
“YES!” my brain screams.
“No,” I say out loud.
Finally, seemingly hours later, somewhere between Uxbridge and Connecticut and the Planet Neptune, Susan points out a tree. “I like this one.”
“Praise be to God,” I think to myself.
“Ok,” I say out loud with hopes overflowing, “let’s call the tree guys to cut it down and wrap it.”
“Or maybe that one,” she says, pointing in the far, far distance. “Which one do you like?” she asks.
Trick question. I reply back with the ONLY safe answer: “Whichever one you like, sweetheart.”
Well, finally she picks one, and it is a good choice. Took nearly 90 minutes, can’t feel my feet, lips are probably blue — but it’s a beautiful tree. Maybe we can decorate it at Urgent Care.
This Christmas Farm ‘Tree Trek’ went on – pretty much the exact same way each visit — for more than a few years, and what I remember — each time we did this, despite the cold and endless searching and cold and indecision and cold and long drive and cold…
What I remember most about those tree treks was that it was the tree that made Susan happy, it was the tree that felt “right” to her, and despite the possibility of my freezing to death, I did enjoy our annual adventure of finding the “perfect” Christmas tree.
For a while.
Years later, I’m happy to say we BOTH have come to our senses and nowadays either pick up a real tree LOCALLY (and take our chances, hoping it lasts two weeks) or we use the nice artificial tree.
Which brings us full circle — a few years back Susan and I were at Lamberts in Dedham (LOCAL! INSIDE!); Susan is still looking for the perfect tree and I’m still in “this one is nice” mode and she wanders off to an adjacent warehouse of even more trees.
Anyway, as I wander through the forest I see a young couple, guy and a girl and they are clearly NEW to the whole ‘couple’ thing and the ‘first Christmas tree’ thing because no lie, at one point, young woman stops their tree search and says FIRMLY to the young guy, and I quote, “This is a VERY important decision.”
(Spoiler alert: It’s not)
And I see his face, and I’ve been there so many times, and I didn’t say anything, but I just sort of looked at the poor bastard and just wanted to say these words of wisdom, wisdom I will now impart to all of you –
Get the tree your wife wants.
Your opinion, your idea… {pause}, yeah, no, she wants the PERFECT tree. Your opinion is decorative at best. And you love her.
Remember: When choosing the perfect tree — it’s all worth it – because it makes her HAPPY at Christmas time. And that is awesome.
Because when you get that tree home…
- …And securely in the stand…
- …And straightened…
- …And moved around and round 47 times to find the PERFECT angle…
- …and DECORATED…
- ….and LIT…
- …and the PERFECT side faces forward…
- … and it’s DONE…
… and ONLY THEN she smiles and asks, with love…
“Are we sure about this tree? Should we have got the other one?”
…and you think about it a moment, and you smile; you give her a hug… and you tell her truth from your heart,
Sweetheart, you picked the PERFECT tree.”