Slow news day. Random thoughts.

Dear MBTA: Regarding your “On Time Service Guarantee,” to paraphrase Stewie Griffin: Evidently you and I differ greatly in our definitions of “On-time” and “Guarantee.”

And on the subject of commuting: Dear man at the Sharon Commuter Rail Station who regularly stops in the crowd of people walking up the stairs to check your email on your Blackberry -- the rest of us reserve the right to toss you bodily to the concrete below if you don’t stop doing that.

And speaking of technology we do not need: Dear Supermarket Managers: We hate “Checkout TV.” The world is a noisy enough place without your blasting old Jay Leno clips and 10 second meal tips at us while we’re sorting the produce and trying to find our discount card while our children are asking for more candy. We lived for decades without Checkout TV and got along just fine. Please shut it off?

We need more TV commercials where people walk into doors and spill their coffee all over themselves. ("Door: OPEN!" {CRASH!} {SPLASH!}) I love that.

Speaking of falling down, here is the absolute best comment EVER on the Eliot Spitzer resignation: "Eliot Spitzer should resign, immediately. Although a person's sexual behavior should by rights be a private matter, and irrelevant to his fitness for public office, that presumption of privacy must be overruled when the officer concerned has been acting to attack the very thing that he has been doing, namely prostitution. We do not expect our politicians to be saints. But when they are shown to be rank hypocrites, they are finished. Their credibility is gone." -- Bill Emmott, Former editor of The Economist magazine, a leading international current affairs publication from England. Amen, Bill!

Speaking of sleazy sex, did you know there is actually a yearly adult movie awards ceremony in Las Vegas – the AVNs, the “Academy Awards” for porn movies. I have one question: Do award winners thank their parents? “I want to say thanks to my Mom and Dad, for your unwavering support – I couldn’t have made Barely Legal Lesbian Cheerleaders Gone Wild and Spanked 28 without you!” Even scarier: Do they thank God?

Speaking of God, wouldn’t the world be a far better place if the commandment were, “Thou shall not commit any act of violence, torture or murder in the name of God.” I don’t claim to be a religious scholar, but I’m sure that the commandment “Thou Shall Not Murder” didn’t have a “Except in God’s name” escape clause.

Speaking of violence: The United Nations announced today that effective immediately the new policy regarding worldwide human rights abuses will be as follows: “STOP! Or we’ll do nothing!”

And finally, over 4000 dead in Iraq, murders in Boston streets and the lead story is still... wait for it … Jamie Lynn Spears. Pathetic.

Slow news day. {SIGH}