By Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City paper, 7/2008

Slow news day. Random Thoughts.

Before cell phones, people walking down the street talking to themselves were easily pegged as “crazy.” Now people walking down the streets talking to themselves are probably on a stupid tiny invisible cell phone. Just to be safe, we should lock them up anyway. No sense taking chances.

Seen on the t-shirt of a very attractive young lady on the commuter rail: “Make cupcakes, not war.”

New to DVD this week: M Night Shyamalan and Jerry Bruckheimer team up to direct, "Stop Looking Stupid and Run!" an intense political thriller: A brilliant district attorney / neurosurgeon (Kevin Federline) teams up with a well-built female cyborg (Mario Lopez) to investigate dirty cops on the take. In the process they are trapped in a haunted pancake mix factory by a hired assassin (Parker Posey). By the end of the movie, they blow up most of the surrounding countryside as they solve the mystery of the ticking clock, save a local circus from foreclosure, and end up winning the admiration of their 3rd grade teacher. A must see.

Here's a movie term that doesn't exist but should: "Conspicuously Ignored Aging:" - In any movie sequel that takes place "the next day," or "immediately after" the previous movie, this is the phenominon where characters look at least five years older than they did in the previous movie. See: Marty McFly in "Back to the Future Part II," Daniel in "Karate Kid Part II," Sylvester Stallone in "Rocky IV," etc.

Whatever happened to S&H green stamps?

Best quote I have heard in ages: "I wanna bust the world wide open the way you do when you’re filled with youth. I wanna engage with people and lovers and fellow cops. I wanna be physical and I also wanna ask the big questions. I wanna taste the tastes and fix the problems. I wanna run headlong into chaos and bad guys and darkness and pranks and fun and laugh, laugh, laugh. I wanna be the best friend and I wanna be the greatest Aunt and the most complicated daughter. I wanna be the mystery in the room. I wanna be known. Embrace your Grace." -- Detective Grace Hanadarko (Holy Hunter), "Saving Grace"

Did you ever realize that on TV and in the movies, whenever anyone orders Chinese food takeout, they eat it out of the container with chopsticks? I have never, ever seen this done in real life with Chinese take out food.

So let me understand this: Candice Houlihan, the former STRIPPER who committed ADULTERY with Yankees player Alex Rodriguez, is applauding A-Rod’s wife Cynthia for divorcing A-Rod because he cheated on Cynthia with many women including… um, her???

Speaking of out of control, here’s an interesting quote about gas prices: "Wait a minute. What did you just say? You're predicting $4-a-gallon gas? ... That's interesting. I hadn't heard that." --George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Feb. 28, 2008.

Finally, speaking of government confusion, congrats to Governor Patrick and everyone on Beacon Hill who sneaked in the “urgently needed” tax on cigarettes while letting so much else needed legislation die. Golly, it sure is a good thing that all that new tax money will go entirely toward smoking cessation programs and the American Cancer Society, and not toward pork barrel projects, right? Right? Right? See also: “Mass Turnpike to be paid off in 1985.”

Slow news day. Sigh.