RobertXGillis.com

Facebook Fun

2010-02-06T18:26:00.002-05:00

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and the Boston City Paper 2/2010

Slow news day. As good a time as any to pick on Facebook. If you don’t use Facebook, you might not “get” this one.

Melinda Minutia: Plain oatmeal for breakfast this morning! Yummy.

Joanna O’Blivious: Just installed the new wireless router -- does anyone bother to change the default password from “admin?” Seems like a lot of work for nothing!

Preston Langley: Will need to work all night again. Miss the wife and kids.

Zack Emo: Is yeah, but no, but yeah.

Kaylie Brittney: Took the quiz, "If you were an appliance, what would you be? And got the answer: "Cordless Cheese Grater.”

Zack Emo: Is in a relationship with Christine.

Sean Meringue: Is bored.

Perry Ziffel: Damned coyotes ate all of my corm in Farmville.

Preston Langley: This project would collapse without me. Looks like the programming specs are all wrong. Will have to rewrite entre thing. So tired. Another late night at the desk.

Linda Langley: Poor Preston is working late again tonight. What a good husband I have.

Melinda Minutia: Low on milk; may need to go out and buy some.

Stiffler’s Mom: Is in a relationship with Preston Langley.

Perry Ziffel: Barn fire in FarmVille!

Ophelia TwilightRain: Sent you a gift that didn't cost her a penny.

Sean Meringue: Call me; bored.

Joanna O’Blivious: Jimmy says one of his friends used our computer to surf porn sites! I’m sure glad Jimmy would never do that!

Mugsy Maples: I just hit Zowie with the Mayor McCheese pillow, a snowball, and a peapod pillow!

Zowie: Stop it, Mugsy.

Melinda Minutia: At store to buy milk. Back at the car when I realized I forgot light bulbs! Back to the store.

Zack Emo: Is single. Seriously like are you kidding me grow up already and stop acting like this? LOL.

Zack Emo: Christine I miss you.

Zack Emo: Is in a relationship with Christine.

Kaylie Brittney: Took the quiz, "What animal were you in a previous life?" and got the answer "Duck billed platypus in the 16th century."

Zack Emo: Is single.

Perry Ziffel: No rain for weeks, all the crops are dying in Farmville.

Preston Langley: Am I the only one who can save this company? 16 hour days, 7 days a week -- Now I have to go to ANOTHER trade show in Vegas! Would much rather be home with the kids and wife.

Linda Langley: Preston can’t call from Vegas conference, said he’s in meetings all day. Miss you! XOXO.

Melinda Minutia: Saw a squirrel in the tree! Hi Mr. squirrel.

Stiffler’s Mom: Vegas rocks! Our hotel room has a hot tub.

Ophelia TwilightRain: Has joined a cult that worships irrelevant turnips.

Mugsy Maples: I just hit Betty with a water balloon!

Zowie: I said STOP IT, Mugsy.

Mugsy Maples: I just hit Zowie with a cinder block and a steel I beam!

Zowie: Has taken out a restraining order against Mugsy Maples. [UNFRIEND Mugsy Maples]

Sean Meringue: Is bored.

Perry Ziffel: The cows are plotting against me in FarmVille!

Ophelia TwilightRain: My wish for 2010 is that people will understand that people who need more cowbell do not have a disease; people who need more cowbell are not looking for a cure but ACCEPTANCE.

Mugsy Maples: Just robbed ten banks, intimidated witnesses, and blew up three rival drug cartels in Mafia Wars!

Mugsy Maples: Laundered twelve million dollars for the DaVinci crime family in Mafia Wars!

Joanna O’Blivious: Bill, the kids and I are off for two fun-filled weeks in the Bahamas so we won’t be around the house at all! We’ll miss the large-screen TV and all those tech toys, as well as the Oak Street block party, will be back by the 4th for the security company to fix the broken alarm system.

Mugsy Maples: Indicted by the grand jury in Mafia Wars!

Perry Ziffel: No rain for a month, crops dying in FarmVille!

Mugsy Maples: Turned State’s evidence in Mafia Wars!

Mugsy Maples: Just wants to put this all behind him and get on with his life in Mafia Wars!

Melinda Minutia: Going to bed!! Have a good night all.

Robert Gillis: Loves Facebook and will continue to make fun of it.

Google kills Blogger FTP!

2010-02-03T15:03:00.003-05:00

Due to Google’s decision to stop FTP and force users to store files on their blogspot servers, I will be dropping Blogger for a new content management system to retain control over our files.

While this is being researched and implemented, you’ll see changes to the look and feel of this site, but the content will remain available and the site will remain active and updated.

Google calls time on Blogger FTP: "Host with us or nothing"

http://www.vanshardware.com/2010/02/google-kills-bloggers.html

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2010/02/03/google_bloggers_ends_ftp/

http://buzz.blogger.com/2010/01/important-note-to-ftp-users.html

http://www.instablogs.com/outer_permalink.php?p=google-to-shut-down-ftp-for-blogger-thousands-cry-out-in-terror-2010-01-23

Review: RENT at the Orpheum Foxboro

2010-01-30T02:52:00.009-05:00

by Robert Gillis, published in the Foxboro Reporter 2/2009

[Full disclosure: This is not a paid review, I just thought it would be nice to write a review about the extraordinary performance of RENT, playing here in Foxboro at the Orpheum Foxboro – no one asked me to do this.]

During the "Halloween Song" of the stage production of the play, "RENT," one of the characters wonders, "How could a night so frozen be so scalding hot?" The question was perfectly timed last Friday night: Outside, the arctic tundra of a Massachusetts January evening had frozen everything solid, yet inside the Orpheum Foxboro; a scalding, scorching presentation of RENT was being enjoyed by an enraptured audience.

Bay Colony Productions continues to present professional quality stage plays, musical theatre, dance, musical events, youth theater programs, charity events and concerts, movies and family entertainment (and a wonderful Haunted House in October).

The performance of RENT I saw with a packed house at the Orpheum on opening night quite literally blew me away. Holy smokes, stage productions in New York don’t have the quality and energy we witnessed Friday.

Having no previous knowledge of the RENT storyline besides a cursory glace on the internet, I let the story unfold naturally, I was hooked from the first note, as the 17 cast members performed what appeared to be a flawless execution of the play. No missed cues, no flubbed lines, no opening night missteps.

The paradox of this play -- at least to me – is that the songs, choreography, costumes and cast interaction is so good that sometimes one forgets the very real issues they are singing about.

The performance became so very, very real that I felt like an intruder, a voyeuristic watching people’s personal lives unfold as they dealt with life and death issues of AIDS, alongside complex questions of relationships, sexual identity, loss of dignity, emotional baggage, what to do with your life, drug addition, toxic relationships, illness, poverty, and of course, how to pay (or not pay) the rent. Although the play takes place almost 25 years ago, its themes are just as relevant today – we still don’t have a cure for AIDS, and gay and bisexual concerns and rights are even more relevant in 2010.

Straight, gay, bi or somewhere in between, everyone deserves to love and be loved, and everyone deserves the same rights. This play illustrates this effectively and beautifully, but never in your face – the story unfolds naturally; the underlying themes are there – obvious but never never expositional. It all feels very real.

I just cannot say enough good things about this performance. The actors were uniformly excellent. The singing and dancing – whether to happiness, confusion or crisis – was a natural extension of the action and never felt forced. There was very real sensuality and sexual chemistry between the different lovers. The words and actions are risque and mature without becoming lewd or crass.

In short, what I saw felt real. Even though 99% of the play is sung, it was easy to forget I was watching a play -- the acting was that good.

No one is miscast. Kevin Hanley (Roger), who seemed to have a James Dean vibe going on, grabbed the audience from the first note and his powerhouse voice never let us go. Albert Jennings (the cross-dressing Angel and easily the most beloved character) was hilarious and sexy but somehow innocent and silly. Chauncey Moore played Benny the landlord with just the right amount of New York City hot-shot arrogance and smoothness. Eric Desnoyer (Mark) provides needed exposition via his omnipresent camera. And Tom (Michael Dimascolo) seemed to steal many of the scenes he was in. His acting was particularly powerful; his body actions did an excellent job conveying his poverty and dissatisfaction with his life. His scenes with his lover Angel were uniformly perfect. You believe these two actors are a loving couple. And the wordless way Tom held Angel [Spoiler alert] as Angel died made me cry.

As Mimi, Jess Andra had me with the flirty, poignant, “Will you light my candle?” She was wonderful. I loved her performance and I think she made the biggest impression on many in the audience. Her character says she’s 19, but her hooker-like apparel and drug use make her so much older, and yet she’s still a child inside.

Shayna Ross as Maureen is the enigma wrapped in a riddle surrounded by a puzzle and she has a LOT to stay. Certainly many of the most entertaining moments were from her “one woman show.” And Joanne (Leeta White) was also exceptionally good, especially in her scenes with her lover Maureen as the two played off their love/hate relationship.

The ensemble supporting cast added much to the show and made it seem larger than it was. Whether they simply sat quietly, sulked, or observed the action, or participated in song, they added the needed population to make this “New York” seem real.

I loved the set – an elegant combination of old furniture, chain link fences, doors, scaffolding, graffiti, boarded up doors, signs, old tires and perfect lighting.

Dori Bryan, the Director/Choreographer for RENT, has created a TRIUMPH. THANK YOU! On the scale of one to ten, can I give the show and "11?" And while the behind the scenes credits would be quite lengthy, I would be remiss without complimenting producer Bill Cunningham, whose management of the Orpheum benefits Foxboro in so many ways, and to costume designer Daniel Kozar (the costumes were spot-on) and to Michael Teixeira, Ed DiMarzio, Gail Gilman and everyone else at the Orpheum who worked countless hours, often behind the scenes, on these labors of love, performing not only their own multiple job descriptions but doing what else is needed as well.

Friends, I’m not a regular theater goer and certainly not a comprehensive reviewer and my complete knowledge of the nuance of RENT comes from one viewing last Friday -- but I know what I like, what I love and what blows me away. I recognize quality when I see it. This was textbook QUALITY theater.

RENT at the Orpheum Foxboro surprised me a dozen different ways last Friday night and the standing ovations at both the intermission and finale would seem to indicate everyone else felt the same way, this play is a triumph.

Everyone involved have literary knocked this out of the park.

RENT is for mature audiences, but despite the themes of AIDS, death, confusion and generally sadness, there is also true joyousness, genuine love, and new life discoveries throughout the performance.

There is “No day but today,” the cast sings during RENT. “There's only us, there’s only this, Forget regret, or life is yours to miss, No other road, No other way, No day but today.”

That’s good advice. Take today and go see RENT at the Orpheum. www.Orpheum.org. Through February 7.

(All photos in this post courtesy of Bill Cunningham and copyright Bill Cunningham and Bay Colony productions)

Practicing Skiing at the Old Mountain Home

2010-01-25T10:03:00.002-05:00

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter 2/2010 and Boston City Paper 3/2007

He’s about seventeen years old, awkward as hell, and trying his best to look cool while standing on a pair of skis for the first time. Beautiful girls swoosh by, making the skiing look easy. Little kids—some as young as five—also whoosh down the difficult trails, looking like Olympic material.

The teenager remembers the words of his friend John: “You don’t need to take lessons. To stop, just bring the skis together like this.” He slides a few feet, brings the skis together as instructed, and promptly somersaults into the snow. Getting back up on two feet with all the grace of an elephant on stilts, he steadies himself. “This is only a bunny hill. Little kids can handle it, you’ll have no trouble!”

With a push, he’s off! (His rocker, that is). Within four seconds, he’s flailing, within another two, he’s on his face, and within ten he’s at the bottom of the hill, desperately trying to remember his blood type for the EMTs that will surely come for him.

Another run down the hill follows. He actually flies impressively about ten feet before attempting to slow down. The resulting fall this time is right out of the cartoons; he feels like a snowball rolling out of control, skis, feet and hands flying every which way, until he finally flops onto a snow bank.

A child—five, maybe six—whooshes over, skiing to a perfect stop and squeaks, “Hey, Mister, are you okay?”

Embarrassed and soaked, the would-be-skier just snarls, “Go away, kid.”

Back at the top of the bunny hill, he thinks about the waiver he had to sign, which read something like, “The ski place isn’t responsible if you break any of the 600 bones in your body (or if you die doing this), but you are responsible if you break our skis.”

Our hero makes three more runs down the bunny hill. He collides with a young woman on the first run, wipes out on the second, and on the last run, finally makes it all the way down the bunny hill until he finally collides with the snow fence separating the slopes from the highway. Dazed and sore, he decides skiing isn’t his sport.

And thus ends the official and absolutely true account of my first and only attempt to ski. After my less than stellar attempt at skiing so many years ago, I’d decided never again to try it. I had cheated death, and knew that the unforgiving bunny slope would certainly get me next time.

But a few weeks ago, I gave the skiing thing another try. My wife and I were away for a glorious, inexpensive 24 hour vacation—we were going to try cross-county skiing.

“No we’re not,” I protested, “I nearly died doing that.”

“Cross-country skiing,” she emphasized. “It’s not like we’re going down any black diamond trails.”

Before I knew it, we were in New Hampshire, at the wonderfully familiar cabins where my family had spent so many happy vacations for almost twenty summers. Gazing fondly at the snow covered landscape, I reflected that I was about to create a new memory here at the old mountain home, or die here, at the old mountain home.

Despite my concerns about my impending snowy demise, I couldn’t help reflecting how happy I was to be back in Bartlett. Every memory of this rural New Hampshire town is a happy one, and in all the times I’ve returned here, I’ve felt at home.

Before I knew it, I was lacing up a pair of futuristic looking purple booties and learning how to snap the boots to the skis. We were off!

You’d think that the simple fact that cross-county skiing is on a FLAT surface would make a lot of difference, but it doesn’t. We were still flopping all over the place, each taking turns losing our balance and falling into snow banks. Any indication of success, such as, “Hey, I think I’m getting the hang of this!” was always immediately followed by a loud cry and a flop in the snow.

Feeling brave after five minutes without a fall, I tried a little hill by the Saco River. As I expertly navigated the twenty-foot slope, I jubilantly announced, “I did it! I did it! Did you see this?” just as I wiped out and married another snow bank.

Over the next few hours, (and after many falls) we started to get the hang of it, and as I swished along the snow, I realized that I was living in a perfect moment. The sky was absolutely clear and bright blue, the temperature a comfortable 25 or so, and the wind was mild. It occurred to me that I hadn’t thought about any of the problems or issues in my life during that entire time. I wasn’t thinking about work, or stress, or anything else. My biggest concern was making my way across the beautiful snow covered landscape.

Within 24 hours, I’d be back at the desk, but as I swished along a perfectly groomed snowy trail, all that mattered was the wonderful feeling of being outside on a perfect day, in a place I love, trying to do something new and challenging. For that precious day, nothing else was important.

I’ve learned that the best vacations can be those inexpensive, spontaneous moments in time that we grab from our busy schedule. Those are the real vacations that put everything in perspective. And sometimes, you even get to retry something that had eluded you the first time.

Now, if I could just make it down the bunny hill without killing myself, life would be perfect. Maybe next time. And there WILL be a next time. This experience was too rewarding not to repeat. I WILL conquer that bunny hill one of these days.

Eulogy for Bob Shea, our beloved friend

2010-01-05T16:20:00.004-05:00

This is the eulogy that I wrote for Bob and read at his funeral.

How do you summarize and eulogize such a magnificent human being and a life so very, very well lived? How do you properly celebrate someone so extraordinary who not only gave, and gave, and gave, but more importantly -- inspired others to do the same, all the while supporting a family and holding down numerous jobs?

No matter what gets written, and what gets spoken, it can’t measure up, or do justice to, the legacy of Bob “Papa” Shea.

That legacy is so rich -- five children, nine grand children, seven great grand children, dozens of honorary members of the Bob Shea family, and more friends -- real friends -- than anyone.

Bob Shea was no-nonsense but loving, generous in the extreme, and had a wonderful sense of humor. And he was also a guy who spoke his mind. Oh, boy, he spoke his mind. You knew where you stood with Papa Shea.

A few weeks back, my wife Susan asked Bob to come with her to La Salette Shrine to see the Christmas lights.

Bob asked, “Is the heathen coming?”

He meant me. Papa Shea’s not-so-subtle way of telling me I need to start going to church again. And he would say it with a smile. I can’t count the number of times he would make me laugh; or tell me an amazing story about his life, or something he did to help people.

But more often than not, when you were with Bob, he talked about his family. And judging by the amount of time he spoke of them, his family was the greatest love of his life. There were the pictures, and the pictures, and the pictures! And the stories, and the light in his eyes, as he told you of the adventures of his grand children and great-grand children. He loved them all so much and would regale you with their stories of winning a game, an achievement in school, a birthday party, or a trip to the beach or family gathering.

He LOVED the kids so much.

And he had equal pride in the accomplishments of his adult children and their spouses, and he spoke so proudly of what they have achieved in their careers and families.

Bob loved completely. He loved all of you with his entire heart and soul.

That love was nurtured in his hometown of Rosedale, New York -- a multi-national, multi-generational neighborhood that set so many of his core values into his soul -- Family. Community. Generosity. Friendship. The value -- and joy -- in productive work. Respect for others. And an insatiable desire to be involved, to help. To make things better for others. And to light the way for the next generation to follow.

Bob’s life was all about helping others. One of the groups in town Bob loved was the Jaycees, and he best exemplified that line from our creed that reads, “Service to humanity is the best work of life.”

When called, Bob served. And when he saw a need, Bob not only volunteered but rallied and led others to help the cause.

He served this Nation honorably during wartime. Afterward, to support his young family, he endured 22 months of exile as an electrician near the North Pole -- working in frigid, hellish conditions to send money back home. He worked a variety of jobs, sometimes -- often -- two at a time. He ran many of his own businesses, including restaurants.

His life took him across the country and in 1972, to our great fortune, he arrived in Foxboro, where he worked as a judge at the Foxboro Raceway, where he also raised and raced his beloved horses.

He was an active member of the Foxboro community and exemplified volunteerism and community service at its very best.

His “resume” would fill volumes: Past master of the Grange, and twice president of the Elder Gram—the predecessor to COA. Bob was a member of the Knights of Columbus AND Saint Alban’s Masonic Lodge. He created a program that brought gladiolas to the elderly. He was a driving force in the “Save our Sports” program for the Ahern School. Each Christmas Eve, he and another friend would bring poinsettias to the widows in Foxboro. He used to grow flowers in his own garden and bring them to employees at local banks and restaurants. He often made someone “queen for a day” and brought them little presents and flowers. When we needed a food pantry box at Shaws; all it took was a call to the Knights and Bob Shea built it.

Perhaps most significantly, Bob was one of the originators of the Foxboro Farm Stand for the discretionary fund. In addition to the years of hard work making that dream a reality, he also tended his own garden and gave the bounty to the farm stand.

In 1991 he said, “This way I have the joy of growing the garden, and the kids have the joy of receiving toys at Christmas time.”

And during that time, as busy as he was, he single-handedly coordinated the first “Rosedale Roundup” of over 1200 past and present members of his hometown. That was Bob — reuniting and maintaining community. In a picture of the first round-up, there’s a young Bob Shea with an old-fashioned camera around his neck.

I’m sure that’s how many people in this church remember Bob -- the cameraman. Bob was the official photographer for the family and his community and friends, and he loved capturing special moments as gifts. On Founder’s Day, at weddings, christenings and family events, he would take pictures and then race to the one-hour photo and back to the event to ensure the images were presented the same day.

And friends, the small list just read is only a fraction of the acts of kindness Bob Shea performed. Because so very many of Bob’s community efforts were “under the radar.” Over the years, how many children had toys on Christmas because of Bob’s help at the farm stand? How many acts of kindness did he perform that we will never know about? How many times did he say something kind or inspirational to a young person? How many people did he help just by being himself? How many lives did he make better?

The answer? Far more than we will ever know.

We all have our stories of Bob; this one’s a good example of how I remember his sense of humor and story telling. A few years back, Bob stopped by my house while my wife was getting an old car running. The car made so much smoke while starting that Bob took me by the arm and said, totally matter-of-factly, “Let’s sit over there so when it explodes we don’t get killed.” He then regaled me with a tale of meeting Jimmy Stewart and Clark Gable, and his adventures at the North Pole.

He took such interest in people. If we were at a restaurant, he would ask the waitress what she was studying in school, or ask to see pictures of her children. And you couldn’t go out with Bob without bumping into someone he knew. And everyone was always glad to see him. Their affection for him was obvious.

And I would love to just listen to him -- like the time he spoke with pride at the pictures he got at the original Woodstock. Or how he flirted with the waitresses as all the restaurants in Florida. ALL the waitresses. At ALL the restaurants. More often then not, there was a picture of a young, beautiful waitress, or flight attendant, giving Bob a kiss on the cheek.

An outing with Bob was also a history lesson -- he had an incredibly sharp mind and his attention to detail was meticulous. You’d drive with him and he’d point -- “There used to be a great restaurant there,” “That’s where so-and-so worked as a mechanic,” “I remember when that house was owned by a friend of mine…” “There used to be great fishing in that lake…” and so on.

When Bob traveled -- and he loved to do so, he always chose the road less taken, and he stopped to get to know people, seek out the local Grange or Knights, and make new friends.

Speaking of travel, Bob’s family took him to the Bahamas a few years ago. Before the trip, Bob went to Wal-Mart and bought bags of new clothes, not for himself, but for the needy in the Bahamas, which he donated to a local church as soon as got off the ship.

That’s Bob Shea. That’s what he did. That’s who he was.

I asked family and friends to help describe Bob Shea; They said: He loved people. Always loved horses. He loved to live. Always well dressed. Paid attention to detail. Listened to YOU when you talked. What a memory. Everywhere he goes, he touches people’s life for the better. He appreciated the small things in life like a good meal. If you did anything no matter how small for him, he was so appreciative. Story teller. Most giving man in the world. So generous. Always had the camera, always took the pictures. One of God’s angels. Everybody’s “Papa” Shea.

Last week, before Bob passed away, the town of Foxboro awarded Bob a certificate recognizing his years of service. In part, it said, “Bob Shea has nurtured the sense of community that has made Foxboro so unique since its founding, an example of how many people can be touched by the caring of a single person. We remain indebted to Bob for his sense of caring, his willingness to work tirelessly to help others, and for the inspiration he provides our future generations.”

There was such a light around Bob Shea. And while the world is a little darker place without him here, I believe that we all have a new guardian angel, who is doubtless already volunteering to help us.

We pray to the good Lord that Bob is at Peace, in Heaven, and we thank God for the beautiful gift -- that was the life of Bob “Papa” Shea.

You can read the profile I wrote of Bob in March 2009, which he loved, HERE

My wife Susan wrote this about Bob Shea:

I am convinced that Bob was one of God’s angels that walked among us. There are no words I can use to describe how blessed I feel to have had him in my life and to have experienced his unconditional love.

Bob told me that he considered me like a daughter to him and I was so proud to consider him like a father. Bob was the gentlest, kind, selfless, giving, loving person I know. He was and will always continue to be the best person I have ever known.

Bob made my life and the lives of so many so much better. He lifted me up every day when we spoke regardless of how he was feeling.

Bob was so funny and took great pride in making people smile and feel good. He taught me so much about so much. There was no subject that he was not familiar with and was able to share his wisdom about. Including telling it like it is.

He was not very rich in money… but he was the wealthiest man I have ever known.

Bob was also one of the strongest men and the most interesting person. There are just not adequate words to describe him or enough time to tell about him or share the amazing stories.

Despite my knowledge that his spirit will always remain with us and that I am grateful that he is free from pain, I find myself unable to imagine my life or this world without him. I pray that his beautiful spirit may rest … but knowing him…he is probably already telling everyone how to make things better and what to do …. and how to improve heaven. Bob, you were my angel here on earth and now, I know that you will be my angel in heaven.

Foxboro Jaycees 2009 Christmas Activities

2009-11-30T13:54:00.004-05:00

by Robert Gillis Published in the Foxboro Reporter 12/2009

As a very proud member of the Foxboro Jaycees since 1993, I have seen first hand the fantastic work this group does for Foxboro – Community development, donations, scholarships, and creating better leaders are just some of the things we do every day.

Without question, December is the Jaycees' busiest Community Development month of the year. For example, you may not know that the Christmas and Holiday decorations around Foxboro Common are put up and taken down by the Jaycees each year, and we have placed the Nativity set on the common for the last fifty years, on the bandstand the Jaycees built.

You may also not know that the bandstand was horribly vandalized by local teens over the summer. After one of our free concerts on the common, I was horrified by what I saw written and drawn into all of the bandstand floor and walls – graphic sexual drawings, filthy sayings, and far more unprintable filth. I don’t understand the need for teens to do so much damage. The Jaycees will need to spend hundreds of hours re-sanding and painting the bandstand when the weather gets better. While I have absolutely no faith that the guilty parties will come forward, may I at least ask them to consider the horrific damage done, and emphasize that the Foxboro police are keeping a very close eye on the bandstand?

On that cheery note, I would like to present a list of some of the many Jaycee activities we are presenting around town this season, and hope you can join us.
As always check out our web site, www.Foxborojaycees.org, for all the latest updates.

Sand for Seniors: During winter, we deliver buckets of sand/salt to home-bound seniors to keep their walkways slip-free. To arrange for a delivery, a senior need only give Jaycee Mohsen Khalifa a call: 508-543-2621.

Christmas decorations on the Common. It’s not the town, it’s the Jaycees that put up those beautiful lights on the Common. Each December, the Foxboro Jaycees decorate Foxboro Common with bows and wreaths, and place lights on the hedges at the foot of the Common. Saturday, December 5, 2009 at 9:00am. Foxboro Common. ** The public is very welcome to come help us with this important endeavor! **

Nativity set on the Foxboro Common. Each December, the Foxboro Jaycees set up the Nativity Scene on Foxboro Common, on the bandstand the Jaycees built years ago. The Jaycees store the set all year, and repaint, repair, and refurbish it as necessary. We have just finished the latest refurbishing. Saturday December 5, 2009 at 9:00am. Jaycees: if you're early, meet at Camp Lincoln Hill; otherwise please come to the common to help with set up.

Santa on the Common. Each December, the Foxboro Jaycees welcome Santa Claus to Foxboro Common for a free afternoon of pictures with Santa, cookies, and other surprises. Each year we welcome about 300 kids. Saturday December 12 at Noon. Foxboro Common.

Yankee Swap at the December 9 GM. Wednesday, December 9, 2009, 8pm. South Foxboro Community Center. Anyone 21 or over is welcome to come to our general membership meeting any time.

New blanket collection for discretionary fund. The Jaycees are collecting NEW blankets (any size, shape, color; king, queen, twin, baby, fleece, throw, etc). We hope to collect as many as possible and include them with our fruit baskets during the discretionary fund Christmas food deliveries. Ongoing until fruit basket assembly night (12/20)

Fruit Baskets. The Jaycees gather and create 200 baskets of fresh fruit that we deliver with the discretionary fund food boxes. Sunday December 20 at 5:00pm. South Foxboro Community Center.

Adopt a kid for Christmas: Each year, the Jaycees sponsor a child through the Foxboro Discretionary Fund and help make their Christmas wishes come true.

Caroling on the Common: Thursday, December 17 at 6:00pm on Foxboro Common.

Have Santa call your child. Each December, the Foxboro Jaycees make special arrangements with the North Pole Telephone Company to have Santa Claus call local children. Tuesday and Wednesday December 15 and 16th from 6:00--7:30. To have Santa call your child, please send an email to santa@foxborojaycees.org. Please make the email subject "Santa Phone" and include the following information: * Which date you would like Santa to call (December 15 or 16) * Names and ages of the children being called.

The Foxboro Jaycees invite you to any or all of these events and encourage you to check out our web site at www.Foxboro jaycees.org for constant updates! If you have any other questions please email info@foxborojaycees.org

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus and yes, Virginia, he knows that the world is ending in 2012

2009-11-26T22:35:00.002-05:00

By Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City Paper, 12/2009

"DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. "Some of my BFFs and Frenemys say there will be no Christmas in 2012 because the world is going to end on December 21, 2012 – four days before Christmas. Last year (and the year before, and the year before) you told me Santa Claus DOES exist. Papa says, 'If you see it in THE FOXBORO REPORTER it's so.' Please tell me the truth; if Santa Claus does exist, what is he doing to ensure we have Christmas in 2012? -- Sincerely, Virginia Boughs-O’Holly, Foxboro.

Virginia, for the seventeenth time, Santa Claus is real, OK? Stop writing to ask me that every year. It was cute for while, now it’s just plain annoying. But I must say, you little scamp, that your letter warms my heart. The world is ending, humanity is 35 months away from extinction, and you want to make sure you still get your Christmas presents. That’s so adorable. And by adorable I mean disheartening.

Anyway, your little friends are right! As everyone knows by now, the Mayan calendar ends on the Winter Solstice, 2012, and experts in science, religion, astronomy, history, astrology, dance instruction, and the X-Files all agree with the Mayan predictions: Time’s up for Earth!

According to extensive research and informed sources (Wikipedia) The Mayan Prophecy is 120% accurate. On December 21, 2012, we can definitely expect unprecedentedly gigantic solar flares causing the continents to shift, the rise of the machines, a nearby supernova, the explosion of the black hole at the center of our galaxy, a gamma ray burst, asteroids / meteors / comet impacts, a massive extraterrestrial invasion, a magnetic pole shift, a new ice age, the previously invisible 12th planet Nibiru smashing into Earth, or just a normal day where nothing much happens at all. Everyone on Earth is unanimous in their opinion that one of these scenarios will definitely occur that day.

With that in mind, Santa Claus – who I have told you seventeen times, IS REAL -- has made the following changes to his routine for the Christmas season three years from now:

First, and most importantly, in 2012, Santa has requested that Christmas Day will be moved to June 25, 2012. The reasons are two: 1) The weather will be nicer; 2) after December 21, 2012, all that remains of Earth will likely be exploding into space at twice the speed of sound. Whether we will have a white Christmas will be the least of our problems.

Second, in anticipation of the big goodbye three years hence, Santa’s workshop has closed its toys division and is working full-time on ‘2012’ themed gifts. On Christmas Eve (June 24) 2012, Santa will be delivering aluminum foil hats (to prevent telepathic control by the space aliens), an asteroid deflector (made of sturdy tin), “12-21-12” sweatshirts (to keep you warm in case of an ice age), “Last Day 12.21.12” t-shirts (to keep you cool in case of a nuclear meltdown and/or volcano) and sunglasses (in case of solar flares, cosmic ray burst or the Earth exploding). Please note: Santa’s lawyers insist that he informs you that these items are for novelty purposes only and will likely not protect you from, or prevent, the apocalypse.

Third, Santa will be stuffing stockings with digital cameras, noting that the end of the world will offer numerous opportunities for photography and capturing memories of the day the solar system exploded. Of course, how these photos will be printed (and by whom) is problematic at best, but the thought was there, anyway.

And fourth, Santa reminds all good little children to get their letters in EARLY in 2012, because anyone planning ANYTHING after 12/21/2012 is just a hopeless optimist. Yep, “hopeless optimist.” Santa Claus really said that. See, Virginia, after all these years of YOU doubting HIM, we learn that Santa is a REALIST. Ironic, no?

Finally Virginia, I need to make a correction to my response to your letter last year: I originally said: “No Santa Claus! Thank God! He lives, and he lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay, ten times ten thousand years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.” That response to you needs to be revised as follows: “No Santa Claus! Thank [deleted by the ACLU] he lives, and he lives until 2012. Three years from now, nay, thirty six months from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood as the sun aligns with the galactic center and the world ends all around us in spectacular destruction.”

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus… And he’s ready for 2012. The question you should be asking, my dear, is… ARE YOU? Merry Christmas, Virginia. Sweet dreams!

I won the caption contest on Superman Homepage :)

2009-11-24T12:33:00.000-05:00

This is kind of fun -- there's no prize involved, but I won the "Caption Contest" on the Superman Homepage last month :)

Each month they post a silly superman picture and invite readers to post humorous captions.

Fame and fortune sure to follow! (Read: I need a life) But check out the site; it's excellent.

http://www.supermanhomepage.com/inter-action/caption-contest/index.php?topic=121509

Winner:

robertgillis:
Dear Editor,
I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say there is no Superman. Papa says, "If you see it on the Superman Homepage it's so." Please tell me the truth, is there a Superman?
Virginia O'Hanlon

Almost completed: The WMJX 106.7 "Magic of Christmas" set listing

2009-11-20T12:20:00.004-05:00

by Robert Gillis

UPDATED 1/22/2009:As completed as possible!

Since the early 1990s, Boston radio station Magic 106.7 (home of the famous David Allan Boucher "BEDTIME MAGIC" show) has played a beautiful 18 hour selection of traditional Christmas carols beginning at 6pm Christmas Eve. For the most part, the set list has been pretty much the same, with a few tweaks.

Years ago, just for fun, I realized I wanted to know the set list so I could start collecting the CDs of this beautiful music.

I called the station but they didn’t have a set list, and while the DJs were happy to list a few songs I couldn’t very well ask for a verbal list of 18 hours of music.

So over time and Christmases I started making a list of each hour and every song I could identify by name and artist. Since the majority were instrumental, and some I’d never heard of (“Sheep may safely graze?”) This took longer than expected. But it became sort of a fun hobby / challenge.

I called the lovely Candy O'Terry at Magic and she listed a few songs for me, and I am indebted to program director Mark Laurence who answered several emails with names and artists, totaling a dozen or so.

And I am very grateful to the Magic 106.7 “Overnight Guy,” as he called himself, who told me he works Christmas Eve each year so other Magic employees can spend the time with their families. In 2008 he also told me the names and artists for another small bunch of songs.

With the clues I had, I realized I’d never heard of some of these artists, like Esteban, or Dino, or the Stylistics. But then I realized that many of the artists were under the “Narada” and “Windham Hill” family of musicians. I had my leads!

So, I guess I’ve been slightly obsessed, buying LOTS of Christmas Carol CDs, but I have (almost) the complete companion to the set list from “Magic of Christmas” and a wonderful new collection of beautiful Christmas CDs.

I know there are many people in Boston and the surrounding area who love the “Magic of Christmas” show; you can CLICK HERE for my excel spreadsheet for the set list, which features each hour’s song list and the artist (and album title if I could find it).

I encourage you to check out some of these artists for some truly beautiful Christmas music, and of course, listen to Magic!

If you get a moment, call the station at 617-931-1067 and tell the folks at Magic how much you enjoy the Magic of Christmas.

And thank you to Magic 106.7 for a great station and a wonderful Christmas tradition, and for introducing me to such a variety of beautiful Christmas music.

UPDATE January 22, 2010: Despite my best efforts and research, there were 41 artists I could not identify, and this project was shelved for a year... On a whim (read: I decided to beg) I sent the list to Magic, and Candy O’Terry offered to ask an intern, Anthony, to review my list and fill in the gaps. He wasn't able to find all of them -- after all, this collection was assembled nearly 20 years ago) so there are still some 15 "unknowns," but Anthony's "audit" was far more than I could have hoped for.

Now, working at a radio station is more than a full time job so for anyone to offer to do this is extraordinarily kind. I am overwhelmed by the generosity and so very grateful to Anthony, to Candy O’Terry, and program director Mark Laurence.

Completion of this list may seem like a small (read: silly) thing, but this quest has become something of an obsession – I am VERY grateful to Candy for taking the time to help me (almost) complete this list! To everyone at Magic 106.7, especially Candy and Anthony -- you guys ROCK! Well, "Continuous Soft Rock," according to the promos :)

With all these new hints and information, I re-audited the CDs I have, and God bless Amazon.com’s feature that allows you to listen to a snippet of a song – that gave me a few more. So after even more work and the serious realization I need a life, I have completed this as much as possible and it is time to close this project. But if anyone out there knows any of the “ARTIST UNKNOWNS,” please let me know, obsessions don't go away

I will post the completed list shortly.

So how fast does that Acela train pass through Sharon station?

2009-11-19T23:06:00.001-05:00

Answer: Really F@#$%&!g fast.

See Over 100 Images from Halloween Night 2009 in Salem Massachusetts

2009-11-07T01:02:00.004-05:00

2009 Halloween Night in Salem Massachusetts ROCKED!

It’s a wild night of tens of thousands of costumed party-goers walking the streets of the bewitching seaport: part Mardi Gras, part New Years Eve, and all Halloween.

Salem, the unofficial Halloween capital of the world, has a fascinating history, but it is in October that the city explodes in a celebration that often defies description.

There is so much to do, so much to see, and 2009's celebration was extra special because of perfect weather (almost 70 in the day) Halloween falling on a Saturday, and a very well behaved crowd of almost 100,000!

Enjoy this gallery of over 100 images I took that night, and by all means visit Salem! CLICK HERE!

Memories of Halloween

2009-10-19T09:45:00.001-04:00

by Robert Gillis Published in the Foxboro Reporter, (revised) 10/2009, 10/1996 and the Boston City Paper 10/2006

There is something very special and magical about Halloween night. The sky seems darker, the moon fuller and more ominous looking, and the air itself seems charged and foreboding. The sound and smell of dead leaves as they blow across the streets seems crisp and eerie. The clouds, lit by the moon, create scary patterns across the sky.

I vividly remember the Halloweens when I was a kid. We spent the entire month of October decorating the house with pictures of ghosts, witches on brooms, pumpkins and scarecrows, and started thinking about what we wanted to be.

We’d go to nearby Uphams Corner to Kresgee and Diskay and sort through the cardboard boxes filled with costumes. There were piles of boxes with Superman, Barbie, GI Joe, Wonder Woman, Archie and Jughead, and generic ones like “Clown,” “Pirate” and “Bunny Rabbit.” We’d visit our own pumpkin patch – the local supermarket—and pick out two or three of the best specimens. That evening would be spent shoveling pumpkin-goo onto a newspaper, and carving bizarre faces into the hapless vegetable. We didn’t have any sort of Halloween lights for the windows, so I made a pumpkin on my “Light Bright” toy (remember that?) for all to see.

On Halloween, we’d go to Mom’s mother’s house in the afternoon, and Memere would make the traditional baked macaroni – delicious! By 5:00, the anticipation and frenzy had reached the breaking point as we rushed to get into our costumes and be made up. More often than not, I was Superman. Pictures were usually taken, and protests were filed as we were told we must wear coats over our costumes. Finally, my sister and our cousins, led by Mom, would enter the crisp autumn night.

Mrs. Rose, who made special treats for us in those little paper Halloween bags, was always the first stop. (I saw this lovely lady in 2008; she says she still makes over 75 bags of special treats every year!)

I remember the excitement as we raced from house to house, past the glowing jack-o-lanterns and occasional scarecrow. “Trick or Treat!” we’d gleefully shout, and Mom would remind us to say “Thank You” as a few bite-size treats were dropped into our plastic bags. God, I loved those Ressee’s peanut butter cups – I still do.

Even back then, there were older kids stealing bags and throwing eggs, but Mom’s presence prevented that from ever happening to us. By the hallway point, the masks were taken off, the bags were getting heavier, and poor Mom ended up carrying an armload of pumpkin-flashlights, batons, masks, and an assortment of other objects. Other parents walking by were similarly overloaded.

By 7:00, happily exhausted, we’d return to Memere’s house and sort through our booty. Mom inspected each piece for signs of tampering; the apples, loose candy-corn and unwrapped stuff was always tossed out despite our protests, but soon we were digging into the best chocolate, and thankfully Mom never mentioned the word “dentist” on Halloween.

We were shocked one year to discover that a candy bar actually contained a common pin—it was hard to believe someone could be that malicious, but there it was. Imagine the injury that could cause. However, that didn’t stop us from going back out the following year – one sick individual was not going to stop our fun – we’d just have to be even more careful. That’s good advice today, too.

I loved trick or treating (confession: I did it until I was 15). Kids these days who don’t go out that night are missing out on something special. Sure, indoor supervised parties are safer, and some communities now host structured parties and other activities as a way to keep pranks from turning into destructive rampages. But I feel that but nothing matches that magical feeling of stepping into the cold Halloween night air in your costume, bag in hand, ready to demand some serious goodies from the neighbors. The candy tastes better when you work for it. However, there is no excuse for any kind of prank as revenge on people who don’t give out candy.

And while I’m on the subject, I’d like to add something to the select few misfits in every town who roam the streets with shaving cream, eggs and toilet paper, stealing candy bags and making a nuisance of yourself – stay home. Someone has to clean up your mess, and no one appreciates it. Grow the hell up.

While Halloween has become a multi-million dollar costume business, it really doesn’t have to cost much to make a child happy. Costumes don’t have to be expensive (and the best are homemade) and a few bags of candy won’t break the bank. Little pumpkins can cost less than a dollar, and new knives are designed to be child proof, allowing a child to carve their own pumpkin without being injured.

Halloween night – a night of magic, candy and fun. Enjoy yourselves! Happy Halloween! Be safe!

Moon's leaders declare war on Earth after attack by NASA

2009-10-09T14:22:00.007-04:00

by Robert Gillis, who really has too much time on his hands.
10/2009

Lunar officials declared war on Earth early Friday morning after NASA launched a preemptive strike on Cabeus Crater, home to thousands of Moonies, Moonites, and Moon-Units.

CNN had reported that NASA engineers crashed a rocket and a satellite into the moon's surface on Friday morning in a $79 million mission, to supposedly "kick up enough dust to find whether there is any water in the moon's soil."

Citizens of the Moon condemned the story as a cover-up by NASA to mask the real plot and intentions.

The moon news service, TMA-1, reported that the Centaur upper-stage rocket impacted the moon shortly after 7:30 a.m. EDT (27:11 Moon Standard Time), and the satellite followed it four minutes later, destroying the Moon’s capital city and injuring thousands of Moonites.

Lunar leaders called the attack, "A new day of infamy" and promised a swift response, as soon as the moon people develop space travel and modern technology.

Experts (Wikipedia) report that Cabeus crater lies in permanent shadow, making observations inside the crater difficult, and is home to several secret UFO bases.

Foxboro Food Pantry needs non-perishable food items

2009-10-06T16:31:00.001-04:00

We heard from some friends that the Foxboro Food Pantry could use some help -- needs are: Jelly (they never get jelly), and soups (the good chunky kind) and any other non-perishable canned food item. So if you think of it when you are at Stop and Shop or Shaws Sharon, drop a can or a jar of jelly or another non-perishable food item in the Food Pantry bin. There is need year round.

Flat tire leads to a little miracle

2009-09-25T13:08:00.002-04:00

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City Paper 10/2009

So there I am, working at the home computer on a yet another late night software promotion, and Sue calls around 8 – she’s got a flat, but no worries, she’s already called AAA. I asked her where she is; she’s a few miles away in a nearby town, so I tell her I’m on my way. Then I hear, “Gotta go, there’s a dog wandering in the street.”

I get to the scene of the aforementioned flat and there’s a large golden dog in the back seat of the car. We’ll call her Goldie (not her real name). She’s an old girl with a bad leg, but very clean, very alert, and very friendly. “Hi,” I say to Goldie, “Are you da boo dog?” The tail starts wagging, she’s licking my hand and we make friends in two seconds. Her tags reveal the car got its flat in front of the house where Goldie lives, but no one is home. Looks like the old girl staged a breakout!

I ask Sue to cancel the AAA call (“No problem, BOB’s here!”) I replace the tire with a donut while Sue calls the owners, whose number is on Goldie’s tags. When we don’t get a response after a while, we leave a note that Goldie is safe and for her family to call us when they get home. We figure it’s best to keep her safe at our place. I explain to Goldie that we’ll get her back to her people ASAP but in the meantime we need to keep her safe. She seems to understand, if the calm demeanor is any indication.

Having her in the house is strange; since our Missy’s passing to cancer back in June, for the first time ever, Sue and I don’t have a dog. But Goldie immediately makes herself at home, lying on my leg, enjoying the attention and patting and talk, and she lounges on the floor, and in general being a sweetheart. This is one angelic little pup.

Her family calls after an hour or so, and we bring Goldie back home to her people. They’re very grateful. Sue gives them some glucosamine to help with Goldie’s arthritis and shares some of the ways we helped some of our pups alleviate their arthritis and joint pain.

As we’re driving home, I think that flat tires are annoying, but maybe there was some divine intervention at work – there was no other reason for Sue to get a flat in front of that particular house, on a road she rarely travels, where a dog had broken free, unless someone up there wanted to ensure that Goldie would find the help she needed.

There’s coincidence and there’s proof staring you in the face – and I believe that last night’s meeting was not a coincidence – especially when I noticed that Goldie’s family has a beautiful statue of the Blessed Virgin Mary on the side of their house.

In a world filled with so much bad news, little moments like this renew my faith that there are higher powers are keeping an eye on all of us, especially our beloved canine angels.

Fewer September 11 Memorials: Why?

2009-09-15T15:05:00.008-04:00

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and the Boston City Paper, 9/2009

“The date, September 11, will forever evoke recollections of unimaginable tragedy, of lives callously lost and brutally cut short and of unspeakable horror and sorrow in the hearts and minds of all of us. … That is why each and every September 11, we as Americans pay tribute to those who lost their lives that fateful day. We gather in unity and dignity to honor the freedoms that we have fought for in the past, the freedoms our loved ones have died for, and those freedoms that we continue to fight for today. Remembering that day is not a choice but our solemn obligation.”

Spoken by former New York Governor Pataki, at Ground Zero on the fifth anniversary of the September 11 attacks, these eloquent words should serve as a mandate to all Americans.

And yet, when it comes to September 11, it seems like we’re already trying to “put it all behind us” and “move on.”

Consider: This past September 11, there was the annual reading of the names at the former site of the twin towers, and remembrances in the Pentagon, and in Shanksville.

But nationwide, it seems that the memorials are dwindling. Sure, news outlets carried a sprinkling of 9/11 memorial coverage, a remembrance here, a ceremony there. In Boston, Arch Street Church displayed a long banner listing the names of those murdered on September 11. Inside, someone read the names of the dead to a very small crowd. But to my knowledge, there was no ceremony here in Foxboro, or even locally.

That seemed to be the trend nationwide, judging by what I saw on the net that day.

In past years, we tuned in and watched, or gathered. We talked about 9/11. We remembered. These days, not so much.

Why? Why, for so many people, was Friday, September 11, 2009 just another day? Or a day where we realized the date and quickly put it out of our heads?

Perhaps the reason is that for so many, September 11, 2001 is no longer just about the four planes hijacked and the panic and confusion and death on that sunny Tuesday eight years ago. This generation’s Pearl Harbor evolved (or mutated) into a miasma of issues and confusion – 9/11 has become a political football, wars in two countries, airport security restrictions, rolling back of civil liberties, profiling, rendition, wiretapping, debates on what constitutes “torture,” freedom versus safety, conspiracy theory, immigration debates, and far more. It’s also about how economically, our country never quite recovered since that day.

Maybe too many people think “9/11” and get angry about Iraq, or Afghanistan, (or those who have died in those countries, and continue to fight for us). Maybe they think “9/11” and it spurs racial or religious fury, or maybe people get angry at what has happened since to our civil liberties and laws in the name of security. Maybe they think of any of a thousand different social, economic, government and national problems that resulted from the attacks that haunt us to today.

Even at Ground Zero, the owner of the WTC site, insurance companies, the city and state government and the Port Authority and countless others battle over reconstruction plans, memorials, and other details.

The effects of 9/11 are endless; after all, what aspect of our society was NOT affected by the attacks?

ALL of these issues and topics, born in the 9/11 hellfire of New York, Pennsylvania and Washington, are REAL. All of them need to be debated, discussed, and acted upon. But each of them, paradoxically, detracts from the EVENT of September 11, 2001 itself. And perhaps that’s the problem.

Each year, on September 11, we should, even briefly, put aside those important topics for a moment. We need to remind ourselves that this nation was attacked in an unprecedented, catastrophic fashion and 3000 people were murdered. 10,000 children were orphaned. Our nation, our way of life, was thrown into chaos. We were numb. As a nation we were wounded.

In many ways we still are.

As a nation we suffered a collective trauma, we grieved, and now we want to move on. But how can we heal, and truly “move on,” and deal with these other important issues we face, when it seems so many Americans want to "put it all behind us," and worse, to FORGET 9/11?

We MUST NOT forget. Remember that week in 2001? We united. On the steps of the capital, the assembled Congress sang, “God Bless America.” People waved flags from cars and buildings, and talked to each other. They cried together. Helped each other. Mourned the dead. Celebrated the sacrifices of the heroes. Promised to rebuild, both physically and metaphorically. Our national pride was never stronger.

Each September 11, we should only remember what happened to this nation that day: The murdered, the orphaned, and the attack on who and what we are.

We mourn THAT. We remember THEM.

Wouldn’t it be marvelous if communities continued to hold candle light vigils EVERY 9/11? Or if the flags flew everywhere on that day? What if we all took a few minutes on that day and gathered to pause and remember? We all lost something that day, and we should remember. And for the sake of the living, for all of us here at home, for those still fighting a war against terror at this moment, for the sake of our national identity, we need to stop and remember.

Not just in Washington and New York. Everywhere in America.

Perhaps if we paused, even just once a year, to truly remember that terrible day, perhaps dealing with its aftermath might be just a little easier. In any case, we owe it to those who died, and all we lost, to, “Never Forget.”

Movie Reviews are easier than you think!

2009-08-14T11:29:00.002-04:00

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and Boston City Paper 8/2009

Although I rarely go the movies due to cost and my own profound laziness, I realized that I could be an ideal movie critic / reviewer / marketing spinner — because let’s face it, when writing a movie review or tagline, the facts, though interesting, are irrelevant. I mean, ANY movie, no matter how bad, can be manipulated via creative writing into a must-see film. Or a completely different film. And doing this is easier than you might imagine. So without further ado, here are some of my descriptions of movies, all with my special “must see” marketing spin.

“Showgirls:” — A heartwarming story of the hardscrabble life of a group of women in the competitive world of professional dancing. An inspiring look at what it takes to realize your dream.

“The Shining,” — The exciting story of a writer (Jack Nicholson) and his family who take care of a beautiful Colorado hotel under a gorgeous blanket of snow, and their thrilling adventures with the hotel’s zany inhabitants.

“Grindhouse,” — Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino present an inspiring story of valiant courage as a woman (Charmed star Rose McGowan) loses a leg in an accident but turns the disability into an advantage as she helps protect her friends from a group of misguided and confused folks. The film also features an intriguing look at how our government works to protect its citizens.

“Superman IV:”— A film that offers something for everyone! Philosophers can debate the ethics of nuclear disarmament and self-government. And as an added bonus, the film’s producers show the viewers how ALL of the special effects are created, as the wires holding Superman and other flying actors are clearly visible in every shot, and the blue-screen effects remain unfinished to allow aspiring filmmakers to scrutinize every detail of this amazing 88 minute cinematic masterpiece.

“Star Trek V: The Final Frontier:” — Twenty years after its release, movie goers still debate the fascinating philosophical questions proposed by this film, including, “What is the nature of God?” “Is God inside the human heart?” and “What in the name of God was William Shatner thinking?” This fifth film in the Trek franchise boasts special effects far ahead of anything that could be produced on a computer in 1805, and features a story that is guaranteed to make you ponder the question, “Why?” over and over again.

“Gigli:” — One of the most talked-about film of all time, this cinematic epic features Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez in what the New York Times called, “One of the films of 2003.”

“Friday the 13th Part VII:” - At an old summer camp, follow the misadventures of a group of fun-loving teenagers as they realize they must balance their desire to have a good time with serious adult choices and an uncertain future. A coming-of-age classic everyone can relate to.

See you at the movies! Well, actually, I’ll be at home on the couch watching HBO’s “True Blood,” a heartwarming story of the blossoming love between a racially mixed couple and their struggle to gain acceptance in their peer groups.

Homework in summer? Let kids be kids

2009-08-05T14:31:00.001-04:00

by Robert Gillis
Published in The Foxboro Reporter and the Boston City Paper 8/2009

The “Back to School” sales are in full force, despite the face that kids were out of school for just a few weeks and the last Independence Day fireworks had barely fizzled.

Now, there are many that would argue that school should be a year-round event and that summer vacations tend to dull students. There is more than a grain of truth to that notion— after all, two months of brains baking in the sun tend to cloud even the sharpest minds, and September can be a difficult readjustment, sort of like a month of Mondays.

Many also argue that our students must be aggressively prepared for our rapidly changing, internet-savvy, seven-by-twenty-four world, and that the summer breaks can’t be afforded. These people— and there many of them— echo that business commercial a few years back that said, “Business as usual will put you out of business and nine to five isn’t good enough anymore.”

I don’t buy it. Back when I was a kid, we started getting summer assignments around 7th grade. My dad was very unhappy by the phone-directory sized book I brought home one June. This was Baron’s guide to the High School Aptitude tests, and the assignments were lengthy. Dad was one of the most intelligent people I ever met, was a voracious reader, and encouraged us to learn, but he was not happy I was assigned so much work over summer. Dad believed that kids deserved to rest and enjoy their summer, and well, be kids.

When I got to Boston College High School, I had to read a few books each summer. Some we were tested on, some not. Some were good reads, such as the excellent “Dove” by Robin Lee Graham or Mildred Pace’s “Wrapped for Eternity,” about the Egyptian mummies. I enjoyed both, and neither impacted my summer very much. But other assignments— Homer’s “The Odyssey” and Henry Fielding’s “Tom Jones” were long, lingering mind-numbing experiences. Great literature, yes, but interesting to a 15 years old guy in August? No way.

We were already assigned numerous remarkable books during the school year, many of which I’ve gone back and read years later. But the summer homework assignments— well, they always rubbed me the wrong way, almost as bad as the aforementioned “Back to School” sales in July. I could certainly have done without stressing about “The Odyssey” for the entire summer of 1979.

Now, to be clear, I’m not saying kids shouldn’t read over the summer. The benefits of reading are too numerous to count. I’m simply trying to eliminate summer homework, and assignments that create worry and burden (and boredom).

I still remember the joy of summer, especially the golden days of August. I remember family vacations to North Conway, trips to Savin Hill Beach and Castle Island, and seemingly endless days of kickball, bike rides, Frisbee, staying up late, movies, dates, being out riding with my friends, and yes, reading books. Books I chose, books I read when I wanted to. It was freedom. Not every day was memorable and many were boring, but those days seemed downright magical. Then, and now.

Reading should be encouraged at all levels. It just should not be homework during the summer. Can’t we just let kids be kids and enjoy two precious months a year without summer homework?

Kids read during the summer anyway. I just believe— and I am not alone— that during the summer it should not be required as HOMEWORK.

Let’s get rid of the mandatory summer reading lists, summer homework, and projects. If the kids will be bored, and their minds get a little soft, that’s really okay. They’ll have the opportunity to play, to be with family and friends, to rest, to date, and just be kids. So many kids already have jobs that they have very little rest time as it is.

The summer memories that will be created, the family events, sports and daily life, the friendships formed and solidified— those will be the things kids will remember years from now. Those will be the events and experiences they will cherish.

Some of my best memories of my entire life took place during the summer. I’m betting that’s true for many people reading this column.

Let summer be a time of rest for kids. Kids do have stressful lives too, and the endless frenzied deadlines of the real world will be upon them soon enough. Come September, they’ll be back in school well rested and ready to learn.

NASA announcement of discovery of a “sun” and “blue skies” ridiculed by local residents

2009-07-09T11:47:00.005-04:00

By Robert Gilllis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and the Boston City Paper 7/2009

A major announcement from the Foxboro bureau of NASA has residents in an uproar. Officials claim to have made a staggering discovery that if true, will change the way we humans view our place in the universe.

The Earth, they allege, orbits a star.

This “star,” tentatively designated “The Sun,” or 2009-NX-1701-A, is supposedly located roughly ninety three million miles from Earth and is described as “a really, really, really big honking ball of nuclear fire,” that, according to the science geeks, “supports almost all life on Earth via photosynthesis, and drives the Earth's climate and weather.”

Oh, please.

The controversial announcement was met with immediate disdain by folks here in Foxboro, as weather data going back months confirm that it has been rainy and cloudy since, well, FOREVER. Furthermore, no sighting of anything resembling a bright ball of light in the sky (this so-called "sun") has ever been reported by any credible witness.

Foxboro’s oldest resident and oatmeal spokesperson, Wilford Brimley, aged 119, told us that he does remember a bright light and blue skies over Foxboro once, but it turned out that was just a Pink Floyd laser show at the old Foxboro Stadium on Foxboro Lake (formerly Route One)

Those wacky NASA scientists were at a loss to explain how this “sun” has apparently been in the sky for “millions of years” and no one ever noticed it before.

Local teens had a much simpler explanation.

“We Americans have the attention span of a coconut,” explained local teen Sean Civaterese. “If it’s not on TMZ.com or twitter, we really don’t pay much attention to it, and… What was I saying?”

Another local teen added, “I lk d rain. I lk muzc. skool S borin. idk bout d sun. RU my BFF? Dnt u h8 Perry's yF?”

Adding to the “sun” confusion was the sight that greeted people who watched the local cable broadcast on Founders Day, the anniversary of the town’s founding when British ships landed at Foxboro Harbor (formerly Beach Street).

On Founders Day, viewers reported that the parade appeared to show bands, marchers and soldiers in a procession past Grand Foxboro Island (formerly the Foxboro Common) under what appeared to be CLOUDLESS SKIES and a very bright light (this so-called “sun.”).

We contacted the local Foxboro cable TV station on the shore of Foxboro River (formerly East Belcher Road). A high-ranking cable official who spoke on the condition of anonymity explained that as part of testing a new video program, the rain was removed using something called Adobe Photoshop, and the sky was tinted an unnatural shade of blue using the same software. He apologized for the subsequent panic along the parade route of Carpenter Bay, Mechanic River, the Cocasset Street Canal, the Bird Street Reservoir and the South Street Pond.

Despite all this science fiction, a blue sky IS theoretically possible, at least according to local paleontologist Lauren Bitar. She explains, “If there were really a sun – and believe me, I’m not one of those whackos who thinks so – but hypothetically, a large sun-star in the sky would cause what I call, “Rayleigh scattering:” This so-called “sunlight” in clear atmosphere would diffuse light along the blue spectrum. Or so I read.”

But despite the overwhelming scientific evidence that it has always rained in Foxboro and this “sun thingy” has never been observed by any credible witness, the crazies at NASA won’t be deterred. Lead astronomer Jan Hendrik Oort exclaimed, “Look, this isn’t the whole, “Is Pluto a planet” thing again. And it’s NOT, by the way. But there really is a star out there called the sun, and it provides light and heat to Earth! It’s amazing, and wonderful! Just wait until it stops raining, you’ll see it!”

Stops raining? Yeah, like THAT will ever happen.

Foxboro Founders Day

2009-06-08T15:29:00.004-04:00

by Robert Gillis
Published in The Foxboro Reporter 6/2004 and 6/2008 and 6/2009 in various forms/updates

Founders Day!

The annual day-long celebration of our town’s birthday starts as you drive through Foxboro at 8:45, 9:00, and people are already putting out beach chairs, staking out the best viewing spots. Business owners and employees are opening windows and doors, hovering, getting ready for the event. The police begin closing roads. The crowds thicken. There’s real anticipation in the air. Something special is about to happen.

Founders Day seems to bring everyone out, and there’s that wonderful feeling of community – so present all year anyway – amplified exponentially on this day. Friends and families gather. Teens take advantage of the roadblocks by skating freely in the streets around Foxboro Common. Babies cry. Parents take family pictures. Camera and camcorders are everywhere. Kids run around, laughing.

And then, you hear the fire engine sirens, and another Founders Day parade is under way. The glistening fire engines – both from here and neighboring towns – bring cheers and the children waving from inside bring smiles. The police vehicles do the same.

The days of hard work are evident in so many of the floats.

The kids from the karate school, in full uniform, stride purposely. I’m always somewhat in awe of ten year olds who can seriously injure me. But seriously, the kids look so proud.

There’s the Van-Go and the Senior Center folks. We are so fortunate to have Council on Aging, with Vicki at the helm. There’s the Doolittle Home van. Another Foxboro gem, a wonderful residence where seniors live in dignity. What a treasure Doolittle Home is.

Here are the town Selectmen. I like how they always march every year – their presence in the parade is a nice reminder of our town government working so closely with the people.

There are the Veterans in uniform. Can we ever thank them enough for their sacrifice? (Have you thanked someone you know in the service recently? Do it now.)

Here comes the Civil War society. They fire their weapons and get everyone’s attention. Also impressive.

Each school has a float, and they all show such hard work and creativity. The marching bands go by – it must be very difficult to walk in formation AND play an instrument with such skill, but they make it look easy.

Here are the trolleys –– imagine using them to get around town! Do the kids in Foxboro even realize this was the preferred mode of transportation here years ago?

There are the Girl Scouts. Boy Scouts. Cub Scouts, So much pride coming from those young faces! So much promise and enthusiasm from such little people!

The Jaycees. The Rotary. So many fraternal and community organizations – all so happy to be part of this community, making a difference every day.

Then, seemingly in a blink, the Founders Day committee car goes by. To all of you on that committee – thank you, thank you, and thank you for all your hard work.

Soon it seems that at least half of the town’s population is on the Booth Playground field.

I can see my Jaycee friends are doing great business at concessions and that makes me very happy because I know firsthand the good those proceeds will do throughout Foxboro.

It seems like every organization and club in Foxboro is well represented. It’s a well-worn cliché but Founders Day on Booth Fields truly offers something for everyone. And I must add that the root beer floats made by the National Honor Society are excellent!

There are games, amazing food, kids and parents and teens everywhere, taking it all in.

By 4pm, it seems like the activity is winding down; most tents and kiosks are closing up, the business portion of the day concluded. People are now heading home to parties, gatherings, and many are just trying to get the usual Saturday chores complete before the fireworks.

For me, like so many others, this in-between time is spent packing up, cleaning, putting away, grabbing a quick burger, and then heading back to the field. Passing by the Common, I’m amazed. All of the confetti, silly string, papers, food containers and other debris has been cleaned up. You couldn’t know a parade had even passed by.

At 8:30, the sky is still light and the grass is rapidly being covered with beach chairs and blankets. And let me testify that Rotary hamburgers – always delicious anyway – taste extra good on Founders Day evening.

An hour passes as latecomers seek out a remaining patch of grass to call their own.

The area is filled with the shadows of bodies and the light from Jaycee glow sticks.

And then BOOM! The first firework shell explodes overhead, and the people cheer. Once again, the pyrotechnic display is incredible, with the speculator colors exploding overhead and the glowing embers floating down so close to us. Forget Boston on the Esplanade – Foxboro is the place to see the best fireworks display. That the show was paid for by Foxboro businesses, organizations and local donations makes it all the more sweet. (By the way, if you can, be sure to keep the donations coming in to pay for next year’s fireworks! The fireworks thermometer on the common, which tracks donations, is only halfway to the top.)

Like the parade, in a seeming heartbeat, the show is over, and we join as one, applauding. Once again Foxboro police keep the exodus orderly, as traffic flows smoothly home.

Another Founders Day has come and gone.

To our police and fire fighters and rescue workers – thank you, once again, for keeping us safe.

To the Founders Day committee – and to everyone who in any way participated in making the day happen – thank you. Your Herculean efforts are so very appreciated.

Founders Day is more than a parade, events, and fireworks. Unlike thousands of parades and events held in Anytown, USAs, Founders Day is uniquely ours. The sense of community that we all feel on this day cannot be denied.

The reason I live here, what I love most about this town — is its sense of family and community. That is never more evident than it is on Founders Day.

For EVERYTHING you need to know about Founders Day including news, sponsors, activities, schedule, images, and more check out the official web site at:

http://www.foxboroughfoundersday.com/

Thoughts on the new Star Trek movie

2009-05-18T18:23:00.015-04:00

by Robert Gillis, 5/2009

Note: There be major spoilers ahead, so if you haven’t seen the film (and why the hell not? it’s REALLY good!) you may want to hold off reading the following…

Approximately three gazillion people have written reviews for this new Star Trek film, and about 90% are positive. (This pleases this Trekker immensely, and the idea that a TREK film will break $200 million – and possibly $400 million or more, is just incredible.)

Since so many reviews have been written, covering every aspect of the film, a review by me wouldn’t be very interesting. For a detailed history of the film, cast, creative process and far more, visit www.TrekMovie.com, which I consider to be THE Star Trek site on the web.

But -- I loved the new film, and decided to write my thoughts and impressions anyway.

The Film

Film is going to be one of the greatest blockbusters of the year and will easily out-profit all previous Trek films.
Scope is epic – NEVER seen anything like this in Trek. This film is HUGE.
Film needs to be seen multiple times – so much going on all the time. Constant moving, constant action. Never seen the likes of this in Trek before.

Trek Lore

Love the countless subtle nods to past Trek: The tribble, Admiral Archer’s beagle, the apple during the Kobayashi Maru, Sulu's fencing, etc.
The concept of using a new, alternate time line is brilliant; as a device it allows real danger and unthinkable occurrences: The death of Amanda, the destruction of Vulcan.
As a Trekker I like the idea of using the year as a basis for a star date.
The writers CLEARLY love Trek.

USS Kelvin

First minutes of movie breathtaking; NEVER seen Trek this large. Kelvin clearly an early ship, very busy, almost primitive. I like that all the Starfleet officers are portrayed as competent and professional – a first for TOS! The imminent danger and ship evacuation -- feels real. Death of George Kirk heartbreaking. The scenes as Kelvin destroyed as Jim Kirk is born – WOW.

Vulcan

Spock being bullied by his peers consistent with "Journey to Babel" and show that some things are universal. Jacob Kogan as young Spock is exceptionally good. Great actor.
Vulcan council speaks of Spock’s “disadvantage” and elaborates that the disadvantage is his human mother. Spock in turn rejects their admission offer; his “Live long and prosper” is stated in such a way that it can only mean, “and go screw yourselves.”
Could not believe the death of Amanda or destruction of Vulcan. The writers have balls, that is for sure. This is definitely an alternate time line!
Spock’s speech: “I am an endangered species:” Heartbreaking.
Spock's relationship with Uhura -- unexpected but well done.

Starfleet and Enterprise

Loved that Enterprise is built in Riverside, Iowa.
The scenes of Kirk riding up on his motorcycle into the busy shipyard as the music plays, and he makes his choice, are VERY effective.
New Enterprise is just fine; yes very advanced but believable. The ship works.
Love the new computer and screen graphics. Nice departure from the LCARS of previous series (which I also like)
Bridge redesign is phenomenal.
Very cool how the view screen is a window.
The Enterprise coming out of the clouds on Titan… Just like TWOK: Awe inspiring.
Liked the scene of all the shuttles taking off from the hanger. Made Starfleet seem huge. Caught the Star Wars reference: "Vader" assigned to the USS Hood.
Nice to see James Cawley (Star Trek Phase II) on the bridge. His work on his vision of Trek is really good.
Like the new cadet uniforms a lot, a little Star Wars-ish but great.
The “Classic” uniforms look better than ever.
Like that the crew of the Enterprise is very large. Makes it seem more real.
Liked the debate between Kirk and Spock during the hearing for cheating on the Kobayashi Maru.
Sound design VERY new but just the right amount of old effects.

Effects

Easy to summarize: Special effects beyond belief. Like nothing we have ever seen before. A+ start to finish.

Cast

Casting perfect.
Bruce Greenwood as Pike amazing.
Erica Bana good; the writers learned from past mistakes of spending too much time with villain talking (Insurrection, Nemesis). Nero appears as needed to advance story. Not the best villain (that would be Khan or Chang) but good performance.
Karl Urban seems to be channeling Deforest Kelley. PERFECT.
Anton Yelchin fine as Chekov – saves the day more than once. Liked him since Alpha Dog. He’s got a bright future in acting. Plus, he’s really Russian!
Sulu is a bad-ass. Takei must be “beaming!” Cho was a great choice.
Quinto is the perfect Spock, ahem, after Mr. Nimoy, of course.
Ben Cross as Sarek is very good; but I missed Mark Lenard, RIP. Sarek’s admission that he loves Amanda – powerful. Winona Rider fine as Amanda. Would have liked to see more -- she has the character down perfectly.
Zoe Saldana is IN-CRED-IBLE as Uhura. FINALLY an important team member. Finally more than a “switchboard operator.” Demands to be on the Enterprise and lists her qualifications. Romance with Spock felt organic and not forced. AND finally – a canonical revelation of her first name.
Pegg’s Scotty mostly played for laughs, not a great deal of screen time. Accent perfect.
Chris Pine’s Kirk plays just the right balance of all of Kirk’s good and bad qualities without imitating Shatner. The scene of Pine’s Kirk in command gold brought cheers. This guy also has a bright future and was a great choice to play the iconic Kirk.

Spock Prime (Nimoy)

Nimoy’s role not a cameo; very, very poignant. Very obvious why he took the role.
Audience applauded when they saw him.
Nimoy’s Spock is organic and very necessary to the plot.
The scene with the two Spocks, as Spock-Prime explains "a friendship that would define you both" is a defining moment in all Trek. This is a Spock who is at peace with himself, and Nimoy hits this scene out of the park.

My nipicks and the not-so-good:

The lens flares are very cool but get annoying at times.
Agree with some folks who say that Spock Prime’s mind meld with Kirk to explain what happened in 2387 a little “clunky,” but necessary to explain plot.
Jimmy Bennett (Young Kirk) doesn't look much like Chris Pine.
Kirk’s promotion is too fast if he were just a cadet; makes more sense that his grade was lieutenant and that he was referred to as a cadet because he had not yet graduated (or was suspended).
While the audience understands why Kirk needed to provoke Spock into an emotional outburst, the crew does not -- a small scene where Kirk explains himself to the crew would make sense, to get the crew to trust him.
The odds of Kirk finding Spock on Delta Vega are astronomical BUT I agree with idea that the time line was trying to mend itself.
Transporter effect so-so; liked the other movie’s effects.
Enterprise and Kelvin engine rooms (redressed Budweiser factory) doesn't work for me at all. I understand they did it to make the ship appear huge, and it looks far better than a CGI creation, but the set just clashes with the rest of the ship so much that it almost takes you out of the film.

To everyone who is upset about the changes to Trek Canon:

This is an ALTERNATE TIMELINE. While the film does not make it clear if previous “Original” time line survives; Bob Orci (co-writer) says it does.
As further proof of this, my Star Trek DVDs have not vanished so he must be right.
It's a movie, dammit!
If all else fails, remember these very wise words from "Austin Powers:"

Basil Exposition: "I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself.

[to camera]

"That goes for you all, too."

Austin (smiles): "Yes."

Other thoughts

Very grateful no reset button was pressed at the end -- this is the new Trek, and anything can happen.
Dedicated to Gene and Majel – very appropriate.
Beautiful to have Nimoy’s “Space the final frontier.”
Beyond perfect; beyond brilliant.
The franchise is in good hands.
Mr. Abrams, Mr. Orci, Mr. Kurtzman, and Mr. Nimoy: THANK YOU.

Humor: The missing William Shatner scene in J.J. Abrams Star Trek 2009!

2009-05-17T14:43:00.003-04:00

Trekmovie reported, "...Star Trek: 2009 writers Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman said that William Shatner's cut scene was in the movie and then was written out in a later draft. It would have been at the very end of the movie when Spock Prime meets the younger Spock and speaks to him about the long and enduring friendship that Spock and Kirk needed to form. Spock Prime would have said "Don't take my word for it" and produced a small holographic device that would have projected a message from the elder Kirk.")

Presenting… The missing Shatner scene! (Um, one crazy version of it, anyway.)
by Robert Gillis

"Spock, do yourself a favor: put aside logic, do what feels right." Spock Prime said to Young Spock.

The younger Vulcan nodded, but added, “It is still... Difficult… to comprehend that James Kirk and I will become friends.”

Spock Prime reached into his pocket and retrieved a small disk, “I believe the correct human response would be, ‘Don’t take my word for it…’” And with that, a holographic image of an older James T. Kirk came into being.

"This death tape is being brought to you by PriceLine dot com. Bones, Spock. Since you are playing this tape, we will assume that I am dead.”

“What is a TAPE?” the younger Spock asked.

The hologram continued, “I probably died heroically, saving billions of lives in spectacular fashion, phasers blasting away on the Enterprise, and not alone on some backwater planet falling off a rusty bridge or something. Anyway, back to the reason you’re watching this. I assume that the tactical situation is critical and both of you are locked in mortal combat, debating canon. It means, Spock that you have control of the ship and are probably making the most difficult decisions of your career. ”

Kirk continued, “I can offer only one small piece of advice for whatever it's worth: You can use every scrap of logic and knowledge you have to save the ship, but honestly, what did that ever do for you? Look, just temper your judgment by asking yourself, ‘What would Jim Kirk do?’ If you forget that, these attractive “WWJKD?” bracelets are available at William Shatner dot com.”

Spock-Prime sighed heavily.

Kirk went on, “If you can’t do this, seek out McCoy. Ask his advice, and, if you find it sound, take it. But if he starts the “Space is disease and danger” speech it’s best just to leave him alone, otherwise he’s likely to start jabbing you with a hypo, and that’s annoying as hell. Bones, you've heard what I just told Spock. Help him if you can, but remember he is the captain, his decisions must be followed, without question.

“Humph! I almost kept a straight face there. No, seriously Bones, do what you always do, badger the captain, especially in front of the crew. It’s not like you’re gonna do otherwise. Finally, if either of you ever travel back in time, please tell Picard to exit the Nexus a few days earlier and arrest Soren in ten-forward rather than timing it to the last freaking second, then maybe I… Well, it looks like my time is up, be sure to watch an all new season of Raw Nerve in the fall, and take care.”

As the hologram faded, Spock Prime said, “Forgive me. My logic is uncertain, where my friends are concerned.” He gave the Vulcan salute and added, “Since my customary farewell would seem oddly self-serving, I will only say, if you ever see a ship named “Botany Bay,” fire all phasers and destroy it immediately. Good Luck, Spock.”

Press on, newspapers!

2009-05-06T14:06:00.009-04:00

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and The Boston City Paper, 5/2009

As this is a column about a newspaper, specifically the Boston Globe, allow me to begin with a clarification. I am not an employee of the Foxboro Reporter, never have been. I’m not on staff; I don’t attend their editorial meetings, and at times have even written opinions which were contrary to the Reporter’s own ideas on a subject. For 13 years I have been very grateful to Jeff, and now Bill, for allowing me the opportunity to FREELANCE for the paper and for the privilege of them allowing my words to occupy a space on page 5. It has been, and continues to be, a true honor, and I hope to continue our association for a very long time.

That said, there WAS a time I DID work for a major newspaper, but not in the capacity you might imagine. Back in 1980, right around this time of year, I started selling papers for the Boston Globe. I wasn’t a paperboy – I was actually in the city of Boston, peddling the Globe for 20 cents to passing cars.

The pay was good for a 15 year old back then -- $4.25 a day for two hours of after-school work, plus 6 and one half cents per paper sold.

Less than a week after I started, I got my permanent spot outside Woolworths Department store in Downtown Crossing – where I would stay for three years until I had outgrown the job and left at age 18.

The winters were absolutely brutal; as Leonard Nimoy once said about selling newspapers in a Boston Winter, “That will teach you character.”

I learned to dress in layers very fast.

I loved working for the Globe. I loved being at that bustling corner, getting to talk to people (especially the cute girls) and getting over my shyness of speaking with people in general. Yes, as hard as it may be to imagine now, I was a very shy kid.

I remember the friendliness of so many customers, particularly Joseph Phil Kelley, who chatted each day, shared his wisdom, and even gave me 50 cents each day for the 25 cent paper. He was just a great guy. There were many others who were also kind, and many folks who would stop by just to chat. I even dated several of the girls who came by.

There were also many weirdoes; my personal favorite was the guy who used to scream walking down the street, and one day pointed to little old me, and shouted, “YOU! I’ll have you in jail by the end of today!”

I was never sure if he was setting up a jail cell rendezvous for the evening or knew about my lengthy police record, but whatever. I was also regularly entertained by a woman named Mrs. Stern, who would stand on the corner and use some of the foulest language I ever heard, swear at everyone for two hours, then get on the bus and go home.

I truly met people from all walks of life: Gay and straight, democrat and republican, businesspeople and blue collar Joes, and the occasional “most likely to hail from Neptune.”

The fruit stand guys, the Cogliani family, were there in the summer and sort of “kept an eye on me,” but in the winter I was on my own. I was thrilled when Dad allowed my sister Theresa to also sell papers; she was right around the corner from me and we shared many hot chocolates and cookies during those days. In the summer months, we’d even ride our bikes into Boston every day to sell our papers.

Now, back in 1982, it was the Boston Herald that faced an imminent death, and I recall talking to my Globe boss, Joe Wallus, a really great guy, about it. As we did our nightly count and pay-out in truck 128 at Government Center, I commented that the likely Herald closure would probably be good for the Globe.

But Joe surprised me by saying it wasn’t good; that a one-paper town was never a good thing, and the city needed a variety of news sources. He was right, then and now.

We older folks remember when it was the NEWSPAPER where we got the very latest news, the league standings, the stocks, and so much more. And back then there were so many to choose from: The Herald, Globe, Post, Traveler, Record, American, and so many others – each with its own point of view (or bias) and each with its own strengths and weaknesses. ALL newspapers have a bias – as do ALL news sources.

But having so many disparate news sources was – and still is -- the only way to understand a subject from all sides, and glean the truth that is always somewhere in the middle.

And there is still something intensely personal about a city newspaper that no web site or blog will ever capture. As the Boston Herald’s Joe Fitzgerald recently said so well, “The death of any newspaper leaves a hole in the hearts of its readers as well as in the heart of the community it serves, and that has little to do with the popularity of any writer.”

This is why I read the New York papers at least once a week, and always pick up a local paper when I travel outside the state – it’s the best way to get the pulse of a community.

And newspapers have an historical value that no web site can ever achieve. I still have the newspapers my dad collected when JFK was assassinated, when Armstrong set foot on the moon. I kept all the papers from the Blizzard of ’78 and when Challenger exploded and when President Reagan was shot.

Each of these is valuable not just for the front page stories, but the entire paper is a snapshot of another time, from the “latest” styles to the prices of cars to the extinct comic strips to how the Red Sox were doing back then. There is so much to learn from the “breaking news” of an era by reading it AS IT WAS WRITTEN and not distilled by decades of rewrites.

What did everyone go out and buy on September 12, 2001? Newspapers. What were people standing in a four block line in downtown crossing to buy the day after the 2004 Red Sox swept the series? Newspapers. We don’t save web pages. We save Newspapers.

Despite how the web has changed the future of newsprint, and despite declining advertising revenue, there is simply no substitution for holding a newspaper in your hands and reading it.

It is my sincere hope that the Globe – and the Herald, and the Foxboro Reporter, Dorchester News, Boston City Paper – and the industry -- survives and prospers.

As Joe Fitzgerald wisely said, “ You don’t have to like them to root for their survival. You simply have to love newspapers.”

I love newspapers.

Silver Age Comics: Spanking your super kids, a great reason for Superman not to marry, and Cluck Kent! And we still hate Lucy Lane.

2009-05-01T14:00:00.000-04:00

by Robert Gillis 6/2009
What was so special about the silver age of comic books? Read about it HERE

So Superman spotted the trouble from… (Wait for it) … ANOTHER GALAXY???!!!
Just how the hell fast is Superman, anyway? Even if he’s talking about Andromeda, the closest galaxy to Earth, that’s 2.5 MILLION light-years away. In other words, it would take two and a half million years traveling at the SPEED OF LIGHT to get there!
And Superman just happened to check in on Earth with his super vision (which also must travel faster than light) and saw Supergirl’s troubles and raced back in a few seconds from ANOTHER GALAXY?
And exactly what is so important in ANOTHER GALAXY that Superman goes there, anyway? Look, we know the Silver Age was ridiculous but this is going about 2.5 million times too far!

Speaking of going too far:

These pictures are just so wrong on so many levels.

I always get a kick out of how Ma and Pa Kent can forget that their son is invulnerable. As if the costume, the rocket ship, the flying, the bullets bouncing off, surviving explosions, etc, wasn’t enough of a clue.
Superboy looks WAY too comfortable in that position -- You almost expect him to yell, “Thank you sir, may I have another!”
Why would Pa ever need to punish Clark? Any silver age story had Clark as a PERFECT child. What did he do that was so bad, accidentally knock Jupiter out of orbit?

Ways that Ma and Pa COULD punish Superboy:

Tell him he’s grounded, no trips to the 30th century for one week.
Force him to go on a date. With a girl.
Send him to the Phantom Zone. “You didn’t do your chores son, so you’ll stay in the Phantom Zone and think about what you’ve done!”
Make him watch “Superman IV: the Quest for Peace.”

Let's face it, if you're still spanking your child who is old enough to drive, vote and drink, we're clearly gone from corporal punishment to kinky. Which brings us to Lana Lang, Superboy's next door neighbor:

"Whew, what a narrow escape. Now excuse me while I call social services!"

Here's another panel from the grievously quaint and sexist 1960s:

Aw, what a nice reason for Superman to get married. So someone can do his housecleaning. In his gigantic fortress. At the North Pole.
Revealed: The lost "Mad Men" Superman script.

Finally, an exciting preview of Smallville, Season 9!

I assume that because Jimmy is wearing Mr. Mxyzptlk's hat he has the imp's powers and is being a real jerk. So he turns "Cluck" Kent turned into a chicken (literally), Lois made into some futuristic super-mutant.
And people thought "Superman III" was bad.
Strangely, all I can think of is is how much I hate Lucy Lane. She ALWAYS wore that flight attendant uniform -- I mean, always. With the little hat and everything. She always had that look of disapproval on her face and was always chastising Jimmy.
OK, Clark with a chicken-head is frackking HILARIOUS. Now THAT's how Ma and Pa Kent could punish Superboy -- have Mr. Mxyzptlk turn him into a chicken.

Memo: Cost-cutting measures during these tough economic times

2009-03-15T11:14:00.005-04:00

by Robert Gillis
Published in the Foxboro Reporter and the Boston City Paper, 3/2009

Like so many people, I too have recently been informed that everyone in my company will take a pay cut. And we all have colleagues who have lost jobs, taken massive pay cuts, and face uncertainty how to survive in these economic times.

My great frustration is with the politicians who don’t seem to understand we don’t have any more money to give, and businesses who are clearly taking advantage of the economy for their own benefit, while we struggle to buy milk and bread and pay the rent, and wonder how to afford to send our kids to school -- or even if we’ll have a home six months from now. Even those of us who are still employed know the rug can be pulled at any time.

We’re getting a lot of memos from people who want more of our money; I think it’s time we send our own memo back to them:

MEMO: Cost-cutting measures during these difficult economic times.

Today's economic situation requires me to make hard decisions. However, if I take actions immediately to maintain a balanced budget, I will be positioned well for the future.

That’s why I am sending this memo; it’s important to reassess my financial situation and make the necessary money-saving measures and cost-cutting steps. The gap between where I am today and accomplishing my financial goals is widened by the current economic climate. As a result, I need to take temporary actions to get me through this difficult period.

Dear Governor Patrick: I like you, Governor, and voted for you. But due to my pay cut, I’m afraid that I will not be able to pay your proposed increased taxes on anything. Given the amount of waste and corruption on Beacon Hill, perhaps you could look there first for additional funds before enacting a gas tax, or any tax. Governor, with all due respect, I’m not exactly sure where you expect people who have been hit with pay cuts or been laid off, or face losing their homes to come up with a way to pay your new taxes on gas, and soda, and candy. Please understand that it’s not that people are unwilling to help you, they CANNOT – they don’t have any more money.

To the MBTA: Due to my changing economic condition I will not be able to afford your proposed fare increases. You recently restricted parking at my station, raised parking costs at all stations and raised fares just a year ago and now you want more money? For what? To correct your legacy of bad financial management? And what do we get in return? Delays, bad service, snarly drivers, faulty equipment and a laughable on-time guarantee? Good fiscal logic would seem to indicate that you’ll need to get your own finances in order before you ask your commuters for more. I hope you’ll understand, it’s not me, it’s these tough economic times.

To Logan Airport: Due to my reduced liquid capital, I’m afraid I can’t support the two dollar “green fee” you imposed recently. First, it’s unfair to penalize people for parking at your lot where you’ve recently raised prices; Second, the only green I see being saved is in YOUR wallet; and third, as the Weekly Dig recently stated so well, taking the T to Logan is not an option for the mom with three kids and luggage trying to make a 7am flight.

To the Mass Turnpike Authority: Likewise, due to the change in my personal financial situation, I’m afraid I cannot support your proposed toll increases. Perhaps you could find the money in your own organization? I understand a lot of it has been misplaced by your employees over the years. We’ve all been reading Howie Carr in the Boston Herald and know that good money management doesn’t seem to be your greatest strength. We’re sorry for this tough love, but if you don’t learn to manage your own money first, we can’t keep giving you money to waste.

To American International Group (AIG), and the bonuses you are trying to pay out after your bailout: ARE YOU KIDDING? No, seriously, are you insane? You cannot have your bonuses. The people of America are not going to allow it.

To the credit card companies: All of your customers, including myself, have received your new terms. I received all your letters about the increase in my APR and the new $39.00 late charges, increased monthly minimums and the various other new fees. Your letters all blame these changes on the economy. I’m no economist, and I’m sure the mere billions you rake in mean you’re hurting too, and that the upcoming federal regulations impacting all credit card companies in 2010 mean you need to act fast to financially rape and demolish your customers as quickly as possible and blame it on the economy while you are still legally allowed to do so.

Therefore, due to these difficult economic times, I will not be able to accept your new terms and is it’s my intention to pay off my balances as fast as possible and cancel your cards. You are no longer a convenience, you are a liability, and due to my reduced financial liquidly I’m afraid I can no longer play along with the joke you call customer service.

To other companies: When you send me a letter explaining that due to the economy you need to raise the cost of something, I’m afraid I will need to inform you that due to the economy I must deny your request. If that means I must cancel your service, so be it.

To each of you listed above, I recognize these are tough actions, and you can be assured I made this decision after much thought and assessment. I ask for your support and understanding as I work through these very difficult times. I am confident I will strengthen my position in a consolidating global market. I will be one of my industry’s best and brightest, trusted by my clients to solve their challenges, and reposition myself in a worldwide consumer market, and am confident I will rise to the occasion and will, in fact, succeed in preserving, through this difficult period, the excellence I have demonstrated to all of you.

I thank you in advance for your understanding. Remember, tough times don’t last, but tough people do. The CEO of a company I used to work for told us that the day before he laid off hundreds of people, so I know it must be true.